The man who talks with his eyes

A few years back, I made a list of men whom I was quite impressed with. They were mostly a mix of Hollywood/ Indian actors. However, I never had a lot to say about them – hence that consolidated list. But then recently, I stumbled upon an MTV movie called “Shadi Vadi and all that”.  There were two things that came to mind when I was watching the promo of the movie before I would decide to watch the whole thing. One – It looked heavily inspired by Sophie Kinsella’s I have got your number (which it definitely was) and that’s Mishal Raheja!

One look at Mishal Raheja and I was back in Bhopal, to that exam break period  in 2007 when Left Right Left and Love Story would be on SAB Tv in the morning, back to back. At 9 in the morning, that was my only break before I would dive in those engineering books (That are of no use to me now … but well)

The promos of Love story began with “Teri Yaadein” – the song that would give me that tingly feeling in the stomach. I am not sure if I can ever explain what “that tingly feeling means” but I will try. It’s that lurching feeling when you are free falling -- when you are falling head over heels for someone or maybe something”. At 22, as a nerd who was totally in love with the idea of falling in love (and never having experienced it first hand) “Teri yaadein” had me smiling like an idiot every time it would come on TV. I still have that song in my playlist and it is still “my” song.  As much as I was falling in love with the song, I was falling in love with Akash /Mishal Raheja.  But then I was in final year of my engineering. I had exams to write and a company to join. Before I knew it, I was called by Satyam and Love story got lost somewhere between training, Sindhi Colony, and the new job life.

Eight years later, Mishal Raheja came back in my life with Shadi Vadi and all that. And thanks to youtube, I finished watching Love story. Back then, I was smitten by what I saw – Akash and Shruti in love, the smiles, the stares, the mush and sometimes the cheese.  Today, however, having done one small theater performance, having been exposed to a wider variety of movies and theater and some amazing international TV shows, I can appreciate him more as an actor.  Yes, I have so much to say about him that a full article is less. And today, because I am writing a rant article after such a long time, I am going to set myself free.

Now, honestly speaking, I hate the shows on Indian television. I used to watch them when I was at home but then as I grew up, the quality deteriorated.  I am not impressed with any Indian TV show in the latest times. I hardly think twice about any actor or any performance.  And here is the harsh one –I blatantly make fun of these shows when I am at home in Bhopal and I have nothing to do. They are, at least, fun lunch time conversations. And with this mindset when I watched Love story now, I look at Mishal Raheja and think, “Why is this actor on television?” “Why isn’t he in movies?” “Why isn’t he in the league of Ranbir Kapoor and Shah Rukh Khan?” He definitely deserves to be there.

With nepotism engulfing the film industry like a blanket of snow on mountains, I, as a very regular movie goer can do with some actors whose performance does not make me cringe.  Six packs and push ups on hands are great people, yay!!  But please be convincing enough as actors – but most of you are hardly that – I am looking at you Suraj Pancholi and even you Bhai!!

Mishal Raheja has everything – he has got the looks, the style, the physique and the talent! He should be collecting awards like they are pebbles on streets – he should have made a big debut in the Indian Film Industry. This man does what hardly a few actors can do – he emotes with his eyes. I am not an actor and I know about acting as much as these actors know about Datastage. But I can differentiate a blatantly good actor from a blatantly bad one.

If any one of you has had the patience of reading this article this far, then I urge you to watch these two videos. I wish this was just one video because technically it is one scene. Watch the first scene from 4:00 minutes or just watch it from the beginning – there is no harm.Here is the second scene. Keep looking at Mishal’s eyes. The expressions change from love to disappointment to anger at the betrayal, to terror and back to love. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but as much as I can understand, I understand perfectly what Akash is feeling. The last time I was this moved by such a performance on Indian television was in Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi bahu thi when Smriti Irani breaks down after she sees the husband’s death body.  Also, I chose just this scene from Love story because his expressions change quickly, obviously because the character is feeling a lot of things together. However, there are many many many such scenes.  

Anyway, while I was busy watching Shadi Vadi that night, Prabhjot pinged me for basic chit chat. When I told him I was busy falling in love all over again with Mishal Raheja, after a conversation of “who?” and “Arey don’t you remember the Love story guy in Final year” and “Uff you and your crushes”, he finally performed his best friend duties.  “He has a new show on, check it out,” he told me. “Google Ishq ka rang Safed”So I googled Ishq ka rang safed.  The dilemma came home to visit at that very moment. “I don’t do Indian Television anymore,” I told myself. “But it is Mishal Raheja. And it is a love story” said the same 22-year-old smitten girl in me.

So I watched the first episode. Now here is the thing – I seriously cannot do conniving villains and illogical story plots. But I am game for a love story, a sweet love story. A supremely good looking and talented actor can help me waddle through. Heck! I did it for The vampire diaries – didn’t I? There were conniving villains there too. The only difference was that the villains there were hot! Katherine! Klaus! Kai (hang on – Why are all their villains named from K?) Also, the villains in TVD have a purpose, unlike the Indian serials where the heavily made up aunties (or uncles for that matter) are villains just because they are bad people. However, I sailed through TVD because of Stelena – a love story that still has me sighing, even after its sad demise.  I can do it for Mishal Raheja too. So I did it.

I cannot sit through any scene that does not have Mishal in it. Even if I do, all I can think is --- “who does that, who talks like that – oh my God, this makes no sense, hello we live in the 21^st century” so on and so forth. At the risk of a longer rant, I want to elaborate a bit more here. Ishq ka rang safed is a story about widow remarriage.  Sounds cool, doesn't it? But somehow, it isn't it. To begin with, the characters are still from a mindset that think widows are untouchable. I, for one, cannot fathom this attitude. Acha chalo, I will accept that such a mindset exists. I cannot buy the fact that Dhani the protagonist is uneducated to the level that she does not know email and fax and the internet. Chalo, this also I will swallow somehow. But can a person not know what's a seat belt? I am not really complaining that Dhani did not know what  a seat belt is or how is it used because I got to see a really cute scene where Viplav helps her and as the scene moved on, I sat back and admired the subtle expressions of Mishal. I mean, you know he likes her and you know he cannot show it, but he cannot hide it too. This is subtle -- this happens only when you are either in love or you are a really good performer.

Even for scenes with Mishal in them, I am supremely critical. For example, most of the quarrel scenes between Dhani and Viplav are annoyingly repetitive.  The only saving grace is obviously Mishal. I am not sure how many episodes I have watched till now, but I have only loved a typically clichéd scene where Viplav and Dhani are stuck when their car breaks down.Now, only a hopeless romantic like me can enjoy such a scene and smile like a teenager in love. If you can,  do check out the video on Youtube. Notice again how he suppresses his smile  or how he wants to show that he is shocked that Dhani likes music, but he does not really shout it out -- subtle! Again, at the risk of sounding repetitive, I will say it – had it been another actor – well I would not have been watching this show if it was another actor so forget it.

I will stop now (almost!) I love it when I am crushing on someone. It gives me something to look forward to after a tiring day from work and travel. A few days back it was Luke and Lorelai (In fact, I think I have seen their first kiss almost a hundred times now and I feel that same tingle in the pit of my stomach Every.Single.Time. – He kept the horoscope for eight years!) And now it is Ishq ka rang safed (albeit selectively)

Parting words – I wanted people to realize that there are some really good actors out there. There are some who don’t get their due. Now I am sure Mishal Raheja is popular but I honestly he think he deserves more popularity – he deserves an SRK level popularity. My unknown blog cannot give him that, unfortunately. But I can still try!

The buck never stops

I got a WhatsApp "punch" in the morning today. "You are not writing anymore" it said. Well -- true and false. I was writing ... It's still not every day, but it's there. But I was writing in random pieces of paper, in my old tattered diary that takes the weight of my body more than it takes the weight of my thoughts. I realized I write the best in the mornings. So I wrote. As usual, I never got around to finish it. But to keep this blog up, alive and running, I am going to keep my promise of writing a story -- incomplete stories in this case but beginning of something.

So here goes the first one.

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Rashida Jamal was the last person to leave the room -- like every other day, She sat there and looked around. It always felt bigger and calmer with no one around her. She had a tingly feeling in her feet that urged her to get up. she always defied her inner voice -- the one that would yell at the top of her voice. Only if the world could hear her scream -- they would think she was crazy. But maybe she was.

Rashida looked around the room once again. They changed the flowers this week but besides that, there was no change. The benches were still the same and the posters on the walls were probably older than her oldest students. She liked the silence after everyone left the room. The silence was calming. It hugged her -- sat beside her like an understanding friend -- waiting for her to speak but never nagging. At home, however, it was eerie. At home, she was the nagging friend to the silence that covered her house. She wanted it to break. She would call her children and talk about this and that. She heard the disinterest in their voices, but she had learned to overlook them.Her husband would talk to her too -- but only in grunts and nods. In twenty-seven years, he was probably so used to her that he did not think it was important to acknowledge her as an individual.

Every day when the school bell rang, Rashida would feel her heart sinking. One more day passes by -- One more day closer to the end of this year when she will retire. Rashida remembered when she had just started working as a high school English teacher. 

"I can't wait to grow old and retire" She would tell her friends. Today she could go back in a heartbeat. Today she cannot imagine a life which is not spent in the world of Shakespeare, Fitzgerald, and Cummings. Maybe she was too used to it, maybe, this school was an escape for her or maybe she was just scared. 

*********************************************************************************

This is a pure unadulterated version of what I wrote while I was half asleep and half nagging my own self to get up and get ready for work. This is all I could manage in between the thoughts of  "I should get up" "I don't want to get up" "I shall work from home today" "But then I will have to cook" and  lastly "I am still sleepy".

As I promised, I will write my other incomplete here and maybe I will witness a miracle and see a story completing itself.

The mix up (Sucky stories -- Day 2)

Another day had gone by and Nia realised she had to stop. She was overworked and under slept. Nia hung her head back and rubbed the ridge of her nose. She needed more coffee – maybe her third in only the last hour.

She raised her hand to call someone.  “So how is the new business?”  Rishu aunty as usual smelt of coffee and cake. She was wearing her brown apron and a few strands of her hair were playing around her forehead.

“It’s as good as a Sajid Khan movie” Nia smiled.

“Honey, remember this – you can have a lot of troubles in life, but nothing can be as bad as a Sajid Khan movie.  Trust me on that!”  Nia smiled again.

“Can I get you anything?” 

“Another Coffee”

“You know when you are in a terrorist attack and God forbid they shoot you, you will bleed caffeine”  Rishu aunty walked to the counter as she spoke.

“At least something would make me famous – this business is hardly going to do that for me” Nia closed the flap of her laptop.

“You have just started it, give it some time honey!” Rishu aunty kept the large mug of Nia’s coffee on the table and pulled a chair for herself.

“Well , I hope that  …” Their conversation was interrupted by Nia’s ringing phone.

“Nia Sharma, yes .. No,sorry, what?....  A holiday?  …. I have not booked for any holiday…. All expense paid trip ….with who?  Surprise?  By who? … see I think you have the wrong person …. Yes, I am Nia Sharma but … who is this person ….Mail … yes ..ok … Thank you ?” Nia stared at the emptiness above her coffee table, confused.

“Some one is sending me to Shillong … on an all expense paid trip” Nia’s eyes were wandering as she spoke.

Rishu auny frowned. “Who?”

“I don’t know … I don’t understand .. there must be a mix up. They would have me confused with some other Nia.

“Oooh a secret admirer , you don’t say?” Rishu aunty cocked her head to the side and smiled with a twinkle in her eye.

“Oh right! The last time I had a secret admirer; Bhagat Singh was planning to raid the train in Kakori!”

“Du  -uh”  Rishu aunty rolled her eyes.

“Du-uh to you back” Nia smiled. “I’ll head back home… Can I have the bill please?”

“Sure “ Rishu aunty got up.

Nia was glad the day Rishu aunty had bought the neighbourhood property and turned it into a Library plus café. Since then, most of her weekends were spent there, reading a book and sipping cups and cups of coffee. Now that she had decided to open her own business venture, Café Perk up was almost her place. She could remain alone here without being alone.  She would sit there with her team, deciding about ideas, marketing plans and everything else in between.  In her free time, she could look at people coming in and out and cook up their live stories in her head.  

Alright, the blogger has turned in her write up and the developer is working on the fixes... I still need to talk to the designers.. It wasn’t a bad day today.  Nia went through her day as she fished for her keys in the bag and opened the door to her flat.

 The phone call still bummed her. Can it really be a secret admirer? Shashank? No he is married and besides he was never so romantic … Ashish ? Oh no he stopped calling me as soon as I turned down his proposal … so no and he was not so romantic either.. No one is that romantic.

“Lucky girl you other Nia” She mumbled to herself as she changed into her shorts and slipped into the bed.

That night Nia dreamed of a hill station she had never been to. She saw clouds kissing the mountain tops and long road twisting like a flexible dancer. She was not sure in her dream but it could have been Shillong.

Sucky Story Series (Day 1) The unlikely detective (Incomplete)

“Salesman for the world and detective for … well for the world.” That does not work. Raman squinted and studied the floor. “Was that a cockroach? Is there a cockroach den somewhere? Anyway,The boss will stamp me instead of the bloody creature.”  He walked towards the cockroach to squish it with his feet.

“Where will I get the Armani perfumes?”  A girl in a yellow dress asked.  “That side Ma’am” He pointed his finger towards the perfume section.  

“Armani perfume, why not Hugo Boss, why not Channel, why does this woman want only Armani? Anyway, I should have a brand name .. like James Bond. I’ll get to wear Armani suits. But what should my description be? “Sleep peacefully, because I am here?” Too ..inspired. Raman did not realise he was standing still with squinted yes, right at the centre of the huge store.

“If I see you once again squinting at nothingness, I will make sure I give you to the cops you are so eager to be with.” He felt a slap at the top of his head. The boss had caught him again. “Not the cops, detectives! There is a difference .. Huge difference.”

“Don’t answer me back kid! You are my grandson’s age! “

“I am 21 and you are old and I know you will never let me go.” Raman flashed his goofiest smile. He knew he can melt the boss once more like he has done several times earlier.

“Oh let you go, I will. One more month of no rent and you are gone. Trust me on that. Next thing you know, Mr. Raman Chatarjee is on his way home to Calcutta”

“You hardly pay me!” Raman shrugged and raised his hand.

“I pay you well enough my lad! I know all your money goes away in your binoculars and detective gadgets and detective diaries and books and …”

“Have you been snooping around? You don’t snoop in a detective’s room!”

“That’s my house you live in. I don’t have to snoop in my own house.”            

“Raunak … he saw Raunak , I am dead … dead like a dead person …dead ..dead dead”  Raman could feel a sweat tickling him, like it’s a joke .

“And although I am fine, your aunty will not like the dog oh and stop squinting like that!”

“You know about Rounak – umm he is my assistant .. I …was about to ..” he trailed off.

“Does not matter. Son”, the boss was now serious “Stop this detective obsession. Do something serious with your life. You are a good lad , full of promises, very popular I must say,. Don’t waste your life like ..like this ..squinting into air all the time.

“I don’t squint Boss.  I think – I think hard. It helps me look –really look. And when I will become the world’s best detective, you will know and you will feel proud. That was my lad – the best detective in an Armani suit! You would say. That’s not wasting life Boss, that’s passion. And

Rounak will be my smart assistant” Raman was squinting again, now towards the ceiling.

The boss sighed and slumped his shoulders.

After the lull -- Or was it a storm!

Life happens -- with all of us. Some people juggle like crazy sorcerers. Really guys, how do you do it? Did Minerva McGonagall give you a time turner too? I go crazy. So the last few months were maddening ! There was office and more office and so much more of office. Leaving home at 8 and coming back at 10 , only to login again had become a daily routine. And then there was ThatElegantChic. You know who she is ..don't you? If you haven't then you must visit her -- here. It is a start up venture that a friend and I have put up with a lot of love and excitement. Of course I am just the writer/editor there and the friend is the real "face" of it -- but I love being a part of it. It has its own perks! and it has it's own work. Although she does the most of it and I cannot take away that credit from her, TEC is one more reason that takes up my time and I don't complain.Going back to office, here is a surprising thing -- I loved what I was doing. I loved getting into issues , developing a complicated logic and getting output out of it. Maybe IT has finally sucked me in. Unfortunately, writing suffered -- to a large large extent. I wanted to quit engineering and become a full time writer. Today  I have quit writing and become a full time Engineer.

And even if I don't know anything in my life, or about my life, I know one thing for sure. I don't want to be "that IT person". The ones that Ambika and I used to talk about -- the ones that are too lost to look beyond their codes , the ones who limit their circle of life in the loop of their ID tags. I remember slightly bloating up with pride when Ambika told me , "You are not like the usual IT guys." Yes I was not , and I hope I am not.

So I know I am not "that" IT person, but what kind of a writer am I? What are the kind of writers? Am I a writer? I mean, I write my heart out and I love to do so. But I am so far away from being good that a look at the long road ahead of me is enough to tire me. And that bogs me down -- sends me reeling far away from my pen and paper.

 I attended the writer's meet up recently when I had a chance. I hated the topic. Pick up a known hero, a known villain , a random genre , throw everything together and make up a story. Please! Somehow, I am not a fan of fan fiction. Anyway. I came up with such a crappy (unfinished) story that I never wanted to go to the meet up again. My hero was Andrei Androfski , Villain was the Joker and the genre was Magical realism. To begin with, I did not have a slightest idea about Andrei Androfski. Anyway -- as I said, I came up with crap. There were others of course who wrote brilliant pieces as usual. Pavan , in particular, like always came up with a fantastic piece and Nitish, the MIT scientist came up with a rap for God's sake. How do these people ace it every single time? Does being a writer means that you come up with awesome stories? Because speaking of stories, I have never come up with an awesome story -- you know , something like, a story on humanizing emotions in your head or the story of a mother and a daughter who are more like friends. I can never even come up with something like a Pakistani girl lost in India or even a story of two vampire brothers in love with the same girl. I suck at stories. 

So that's exactly what I will do. Although my last project of one post every day fell short of ,I guess eight days, I declare a new project -- now that the office project is in production and I have just one unresolved "issue" to deal with.  The blog project will be called the sucky story series. I will come up with stories. I will try to keep them good but mostly I will go with the flow. So they are bound to be sucky and stupid. But for the next 30 days (that's what I will at least try) I will write one story which may be bad, worse or not even reading worthy. But who knows -- in between , I my have a break through , or maybe not -- but at least this blog will spring back to life. The timing is right too. It's the first day of August tomorrow and a Saturday. I am supposed to go to a blogger's meet from Flipkart and IndieBlogger in the first half and meet in a relative in the second. But I will squeeze time for my story. I may not be a super woman but I can do some squeezing of time  -- Let's see what happens next!

Love -- Day 22

A purple night,Moon in sight,
Beneath the sky ,You and I
A wishing star, gazes fixed afar
A love song, that we sing along
the stupid laughter, the silence after
The loving glances, the unending promises
The lips that quvier, the tocuh that shivers
The love that stays, forever and ever

Of Passions and Fathers -- Day 21

This is a video I came across on Youtube. It is a Coke Studio edition and as all with most of the Coke Studio Songs, I don't understand it completely because it is not fully in Hindi. However, the song in a whole is pretty comprehensible.

Now, firstly the emotion of the song is lovely. It is a conversation between a Father and a Daughter where (roughly translated) the daughter says -- "I am your darling girl and I will never leave your side."

Besides listening to the song, here is what I noticed

1) The expressions on the face of Sachin Sanghvi, the guy in spectacles. The little girl is his daughter and he might as well have held up a board saying "I am SO proud of my daughter right now" Look at the smile and the way his eyes sparkle behind those spectacles. They twinkle like the brightest star in the sky. (Also as a totally unrelated side note -- Sachin Sanghvi is quite cute)

2) Rinku Rajput (On the Piano) and other musicians -- Some have their eyes closed , some are looking at the singers and smiling lightly, some are absolutely immersed in the show.

I always find it very fascinating to see someone work on their passion. Most of the time, one does not have to look beyond.

I remember my father's love for Mathematics. I remember how he would not move an inch if his answer would not come correctly (Which was pretty rare). He would sit there calculating, working, muttering to himself, forgetting the world around him. In other cases when I would go to him with a question, he would look at the question, take 2 minutes, stare at me for a second or two and say, "Is the answer, just check?" and 9.5 out of 10 times, it would match to the tee. He would then snigger like a naughty child and ask me for a pen and a paper to elaborate.

There was this one incident, when I asked him to solve a question for me. As far as my memory serves me, I was too tired from school and other activities and I was not able to concentrate when he tried to explain me the solution. He said, "Go to bed. We will do this tomorrow morning." This was all I was waiting to hear and dashed to my room. When I got up in the morning, clumsy that Mr.Tiwari is, I found my books opened and lying strewn on the table. I went to collect them and what I see is this : Besides that one question that I had asked him to do, he had solved the ENTIRE exercise in my notebook. While I stood their flicking through the pages in amazement, he stood behind me, toothbrush in his mouth and still sniggering like a naughty child. "Have fun", he said. "I have solved everything in the exercise with statements. Come to me if you still don't understand something."

I got a bit carried away. I was talking about doing something that does not make you say, "I don't really feel like doing it" and rather makes you say, "Oh well, I am tired but you know what, I really want to do this." Is this a natural feeling or one makes oneself believe it? How does this passion thing work? I am still trying to figure it all out.

On another side note, Last night I had a reading marathon. I finished a book and a half. It had been ages since I read so furiously. I was up till 4 reading and I although am sure my dark circles will put any Panda bear to shame it was fun -- a lot of fun.


See you tomorrow!