Not Shaandar

On a weekly basis, I see a number of movies. If I write about each one of them here, this would become a movie blog. But yesterday, I saw Shaandar. And I had the words forming in my head before the interval. I knew this one needs a special mention.

There are two kinds of special in this world. Your favorite is your special -- your favorite dress with a story or a date with a fairly interesting memory is definitely special. But the opposite is true too. A day with bad memory is also ...you know ..."special." I have a similar story with this movie.I really wanted to watch Shandar. I love the cast and the trailer left me curious. But I had no idea I would be walking out of the cinema hall holding my ears in a sorry while the Husband glared at me. "We'd have rather watched Pyar ka Punchnama" a second time", he whined. I could only shrug.

To say Shandar is a bad movie would be unfair to "movies" because with all due respect to the people who invested almost a year in making it, it is not a movie. It is just a collection of  random scenes. No, really! There is hardly any story, there is no acting required and in all the scenes, it looks like people are actually laughing and having fun. In a way, it is good because you know they enjoyed making the movie, but nothing is fun for the audience here.

Surprisingly, only the role of Sannah Kapur has a few scenes that required acting and she has done her part pretty well. Besides that, there is nothing ... nothing in the movie that I could talk about with a satisfaction in my heart. The movie started with an animation story and the whole movie, in fact, has a fairy-tale feeling to it. That's all. I anyway don't look for a lot of logic in Hindi movies (I gave that up long back) but at least 2 scenes should connect together. Is even that too much to ask for?

There were a lot of things that could have been developed. Alia Bhat's character has this quirk of throwing random facts in between a conversation. I loved this character angle. However,she stops abruptly through the movie. It was not taken ahead. The two protagonists are insomniacs. I liked this part -- but I wish they would have used this information in a better way. There does not seem to be any connection, any romance in them. For a movie that has been given a fairy tale treatment, the story at least deserved to have a fairy tale moment between the Prince and Princess.

A lot of awareness trends these days, which is good --more power to social media! But like everything, the issue of body image confuses me. Yes, no one has to be apologetic about the way their bodies are, but why to promote an unhealthy lifestyle. Fine, the bride, Sannah Kapoor, is fat and she has no qualms about it. Nothing is better than being comfortable in your own skin. But she stuffs her mouth with chocolates and laddoos and is also encouraged by her family while she eats like a glutton. Why would you show it is okay to gulp down chocolates and laddoos? Please decide  guys. Being fat is okay. Being comfortable is perfect but being unhealthy is NOT fine. You don't want to die while harping about body issues, do you? (I have a lot to talk on this point -- another post coming soon!)

In one sequence, the groom gets arrested by the UK police and you later find out that Shahid Kapoor had tipped them into doing it. But what was the freaking point? He was still a jerk after he came out of it. In another sequence, Alia finds a panty instead of her breakfast. Okay, so Shahid found her skinny dipping the previous night and hence the prank (I am guessing) but again, what's the point? This does not culminate into anything that contributes to the story.

Alia sleeps for the first time while chit chatting with Shahid. Also, she is high. So why did she sleep? Because she was high or because she finds some magic with Shahid? I know it is supposed to be the latter but sorry it could have been treated way better. The insomniac who finally gets to sleep -- shouldn't this be an important part of the movie?

There is also a masoom angle to the movie -- which if you, like me, have grown up watching movies, you will predict it in the very first scene. The big reveal is shown in a sequence where everyone is high and acting like retards. Honestly, again it could have been better. The whole "everyone  is high and acting stupid" does not bring even a smile, leave alone laughing out loud over it.  The horse riding sequence has no point again and there is an unnecessary Karan Johar KWK scene too. Nah!! No growth in the story, no character arc, no entertainment.

Ok, listen, I feel bad criticising a piece of art and I know people would have really worked hard for this movie. But as a movie-goer and an ardent and sincere fan, I spend my hard earned money on movies. Hoping it to be decent is the least a viewer can ask for. I love Alia Bhatt and Shahid Kapoor equally. And honestly, I searched, really looked for something, something that I would like and enjoy. Something I can hold on to and say, "the movie was bad but at least ..." Sadly, I never got my "something" through the whole of Shaandar.

I would have rather watched Pyar ka Punchnama. Don't kill me for being a female and still liking it. It is entertaining and come on girls! loosen up a bit. All movies have guys as the culprits -- this one begs to differ. Let them enjoy the moment. At least you genuinely laugh at this one.

Goodbyes Are Not Fun

Sometimes, when sadness looms over the heart, it hurts physically. Friday was such a day. Every time I stood up, I felt I needed a support. Every time I moved, I wanted to  stop. Maybe defeat weighed down on me. Maybe it was the pain of seeing a dear friend leave --yet again. Maybe, it was both.

Two farewells in two days is a new experience for me. When you live life for a considerable amount of years, you tend to experience a lot of new feelings. You might end up denying them -- like the three of us were denying our sorrow. Yet, in a dingy basement park under the orange light of a setting sun, we were left with no other option but to face them. We still refused to acknowledge it --even when our eyes were filled with tears, even when our voices were losing pitch, we made sure that sorrow was not welcomed. Instead, we cracked boob jokes. We feigned relief that the friend was leaving -- at least we won't have to wait hours at lunch near the lift while she heats up her food. We made plans to meet soon.

We went back, pretending life is good -- it can be better.

Being Friends

When you turn 30, you tend to learn a few lessons in life, from life.One lesson I learnt was to make few friends but make them strong. Fortunately, I have them -- friends who have been with me since nursery, Or the third standard or the second year of college. These are people who know me, who I know and yet we are not 2 sides of the same coin. Distances in a relationship is a little-understood aspect. I am a great believer of distances -- Optimum distance of course.

Like every other group of friends, we also have a Whatsapp chat group and although I am not entirely sure how, there was a plan made -- to have a get together in a common city, which incidentally was not our hometown. So there we were, people who have probably not met in years, meeting now , accompanied with our respective spouses. We were in the same city and the same house some six years back -- all of us single, barely beginning our careers.

Things have changed -- all of us got married. One moved to switzerland and hence could not make it. We called him up at 1 in the morning to tease him about how he is missing the fun. We were up till 4 in the morning - chatting, laughing, playing cards, laughing some more, drinking tea, yawning, encouraging each other to sleep and take some rest (because we were all tired from the journey) and still not getting enough of each other.

All of us woke up at 7. It began with the owner of the house, sitting in his balcony, sipping his tea and enjoying the morning silence when I slowly stepped , probably breaking his reverie. Soon, our conversation picked up once again -- talking about nothing particular, whispering and giggling , trying our best to not wake the others up. We were joined by our third friend and soon we all had a marvellous cup of tea in our hands and we were at it again -- talking a mile a minute, about our lives, questioning each other about stuff we have missed from each other's lives, sharing experiences. opinions and thoughts.

It was time to get ready and meet the other two. So after a lot of shaking ourselves from the incomplete rest and laziness, we were there , meeting two of my bestest and strongest friends. These two are the ones who were in the same school as me. They have seen my ups and downs. We couldn't stop randomly hugging each other . I couldn't stop looking at those two and noticing all the difference that had come up after we all grew up. Both of them are mothers now -- they talk about their daughters with a lot of love in their eyes. I know better than to stop them.

The world has changed in the 20 years that we have known each other and none of us were spared from that. Social media was dominant in our conversation and before all of us got down to really talk, there was a lot of tagging and clicking pictures. Memories being made before they even get created. I had an objection to that. I expressed it and people obliged.When people meet after years, two things happen. Either, there is a lot to talk about or there is nothing to talk about. All of us were stuck somewhere in between. There was an awkwardness too, created by time and distance. A few of  us had given up on that awkward feeling , a few of us were still trying to bridge the gap. However, when I look at that evening, I only have good times to think about.

The same night we were joined by yet another friend who could not make it in the morning. We were back at home with playing card, dinner, tea, nonsense chit and everything in between. While the guys played cards, me and a friend's wife (now my friend too) played our own game of disturbing them. A whole lot of jokes and laughter ensued. Somewhere, I wanted to point out that this is how memories were made -- it did not require location tagging and innumerable selfies (although they are good too) It just required being together.

Earlier in the day, while walking by the road, a friend remarked, "According to a study, if you manage to be friends with a person for seven years, you will remain friends with them for life."
"Then we all crossed that bar ages ago" I said. My reply was met with bright smiles. Yes, it feels great to know that there are friends who have seen me then, who are with me now and hopefully, even after years, we will remain together. There may be a lot of things I might want to change in my life, but when it comes to these guys, I think I am good!

Will You Marry a Rape Survivor?

This question came up over a coffee chat among friends. A few days back, Bangalore witnessed a brutal gang rape of a BPO employee who took an unknown tempo traveler to commute locally. It is interesting to see how easily we sit in our cafeterias, sip on our coffee in paper cups and voice our opinions while someone is living the pain. What I mean to say is, it is very easy for us to say how easily that girl could have avoided what happened -- How she could have taken a cab or how she could have waited for an auto. I agree. But whatever she decided to do, nothing can justify what happened afterward.

Today, I sit here in the comfort of my office and question the society. The truth is, I am no stranger to a harassment situation. The irony is that while in Delhi, I never faced any situation that would scare me away. Going by today's standards, I was a fool in Delhi. Once I went to watch a 7:00 PM show all alone and took an Auto back home. Noida is a city full of narrow lonely lanes and the Auto driver took me through those. I was scared, but I was safe. 

On a random night, at around 8:30 PM, my roommate expressed her wish to have an ice cream. "Come," I said. The mall was at a distance of 5 minutes from our flat in a Cycle Rickshaw. She hesitated but jumped out of the bed. Two fools. When our other flatmate saw us leaving at such an ungodly hour, she asked us where are we going. "ATM", One of us blurted out. "Take cash from me, don't leave now" She had said. "We will be back before you know it." We called and ran out. We were lucky then too. We came back soon and safe, giggling and licking melting ice cream from our hands. 

In Bangalore, my chest has been ogled at, a biker slapped my chest and ran away, one actually came after me while shouting "Madam you look very sexy from back" reversed his bike to face me and say "You look sexy from the front too" and actually followed me in his vehicle while I ran in a heavily pouring rain. 

Both these days, I was lucky. I was still under my Delhi hangover and I "knew" that if nothing ever happened to me there, there is no chance in hell that I will be harmed in a safe city like Bangalore. These two incidents forced me to be afraid and careful. Recently, at 4:30 in the afternoon, I was inappropriately touched, given dirty looks and blown what I feel were air kisses (unless the guy had a pronounced pout) by the driver of a rick that I boarded. All this at a busy road of IndiraNagar. I know my lessons now. So I got down from that auto immediately. I should have shouted, I should have slapped him or as my husband says, I should have given him a taste of the pepper spray he makes sure I carry. But in that scary moment, I forgot about the pepper spray. All my instincts cried was that if I do not get down from this rickshaw, something bad might happen. 

I walked like a zombie on the streets for some time to get out of the shock of what just happened. I wanted a bath, I wanted to sanitize the parts of my arms where he had managed to touch me. I was afraid of going in another auto. Let me remind a second time -- it was 4:30 in the afternoon on a road that is known for being jammed. 

I am sorry, I digress. What happened with me was not even an iota of what any rape survivor faces. Back to the discussion over coffee, a friend said this -- "One mistake and she is scarred for life." This is where I could not agree with her. "Why is she scarred for life? Why must one incident define her future?" I asked her. "Because the society will not let her live." My friend replied.

I told her that she made the society, that I made the society. I know my thoughts were ambitious. I knew my friend was correct. I know even now that many might have a strange aversion to someone who has already gone through a horrifying incident. But can it not be just that -- an incident? Why does she have to be "scarred for life?"

While this discussion was on, my male friend was sitting quietly scrolling through his phone. I needed a male perspective. "Will you marry a rape survivor?" I asked him. He looked up from his phone and gave me a confused smile. Very slightly, he shook his head in a no. "My parents will not like it," He said. He is an educated guy. He is a really nice human being and I personally know he respects women. And he still thinks he will not be able to marry someone who has gone through a disturbing event. I was disappointed. 

"It's not about the parents. Marriage is about only the two people." I said. "No!" cried both my friends. "Marriage involves families" Alright! I said. "But if this girl is a great human being, she respects your parents, she loves and supports you, why can you not marry her?" My friend stuck to his answer. "My parents will not be able to accept it. It is difficult to change their thinking." I know their thinking would not change, I wanted to say. But is that what you think too? Will you stand up for this girl?  Or are you hiding your own thinking under the cloak of your parents' views? 

Why is it so difficult to look at these things with a little objectivity? Of course, I am not talking about marrying a rape survivor out of pity, no, of course not. But say tomorrow, your girlfriend confides in you and tells you she was raped, will you leave her? If you get an arranged marriage proposal and she tells you she was raped, will you still try and get to know her?

A lot of people, educated or otherwise, city dwellers or otherwise, think like my friend above. I cannot blame them. It's years and years of thinking in a certain way. But think about it. It is just an incident which was in no way the fault of the victim. Should we not help her/him forget about the incident rather than remind them. 

I cannot change how my friends think. I can just tell them that there is another way of thinking too. Through this post, I want to spread the word.