I am not the emotional kinds. Or so I think. I am a cancerian from sunsign. Cancerians are supposed to be homely. They are extremely attached to their families and prefer staying at home. I am a bit different. I prefer travelling, meeting new people and taking in new experiences, and so I am not the one who frequents her home town ever so often. As I said, I am not the emotional kinds. So much that when I was getting married and my mom would get teary eyed about me "going away" , I would never get the logic. "But Mom, I am already away!" I would say. And I seriously believed in that. Mom would always shake her head in dissapointment . "You will never understand." That time, I really did not. Honestly, Mom cries so much that I might one day feel bad when I would be leaving home after a visit and she wont cry. Also, I am bad at consoling crying people. I never know what to do with them. So, when I was finally getting "vida" after marriage and Mom started crying, I was only cracking my usual jokes. With Mom, that's the best that I can do.
Where was Dad among all this? I wasn't even sure. The worst part was that I didn't mind. I have always seen Dad as a Maths Book or a physics book or maybe an Investment Guru -- full of knowledge but no emotions. Not that he is devoid of all emotions, But he is either happy or angry -- never sad. Somehow I like this thing about Dad. Sadness, unlike happiness or anger (which goes away) settles down somewhere deep inside your heart and can come up again -- at the wrong time, the wrong place. Sadness makes you bitter.
Coming back to the vidai, I was now the part of a new family and I was sitting in the bus (which was to take us to the station) ready to leave. As I said, I had not met Dad, After some 2 minutes of going in, Mom called me outside. "Dad's here" She said. I went down to touch his feet -- something I always do before leaving. However this time, to my utter disbelief/shock/consternation, Dad had tears in his eyes. His voice was groggy. He had his hands joined in front of Rahul, while he was requesting him to really take care of his daughter. For a minute or so, I did not understand what was happening! He is not supposed to cry. Heck!! He makes people cry!
I have fought with my Dad every single day of my life. I have agrued and shouted. I have huffed, puffed, stomped my feet, banged the doors and walked out of the room. He would shout back, making me realize who is the "Father". That, somehow made things alright. In some time, we were back to normal.
That day however, for the first time I realized that Dad was far beyond calculus, formula derivations and share market. He was a father at heart, who preferred not to show it, probably like many other fathers in the world.
It was not about "going away" after all. It was the feeling of his daughter getting disassociated, giving her away to a new family. Even today, not much has changed. I still talk to him, still roll my eyes when he begins his lectures and I still talk back. But deep down, I do realize his love for me better than I did for all these years.
Where was Dad among all this? I wasn't even sure. The worst part was that I didn't mind. I have always seen Dad as a Maths Book or a physics book or maybe an Investment Guru -- full of knowledge but no emotions. Not that he is devoid of all emotions, But he is either happy or angry -- never sad. Somehow I like this thing about Dad. Sadness, unlike happiness or anger (which goes away) settles down somewhere deep inside your heart and can come up again -- at the wrong time, the wrong place. Sadness makes you bitter.
Coming back to the vidai, I was now the part of a new family and I was sitting in the bus (which was to take us to the station) ready to leave. As I said, I had not met Dad, After some 2 minutes of going in, Mom called me outside. "Dad's here" She said. I went down to touch his feet -- something I always do before leaving. However this time, to my utter disbelief/shock/consternation, Dad had tears in his eyes. His voice was groggy. He had his hands joined in front of Rahul, while he was requesting him to really take care of his daughter. For a minute or so, I did not understand what was happening! He is not supposed to cry. Heck!! He makes people cry!
I have fought with my Dad every single day of my life. I have agrued and shouted. I have huffed, puffed, stomped my feet, banged the doors and walked out of the room. He would shout back, making me realize who is the "Father". That, somehow made things alright. In some time, we were back to normal.
That day however, for the first time I realized that Dad was far beyond calculus, formula derivations and share market. He was a father at heart, who preferred not to show it, probably like many other fathers in the world.
It was not about "going away" after all. It was the feeling of his daughter getting disassociated, giving her away to a new family. Even today, not much has changed. I still talk to him, still roll my eyes when he begins his lectures and I still talk back. But deep down, I do realize his love for me better than I did for all these years.
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