1) Because in between a difficult situation, the scene suddenly cuts to another scene.
2) Because the preparation of exams or a hard exercise or any sort of hard work pass away in 10 mins in montages with a motivating background music.
3) Because even if I have just 2 lacs in my bank, I am rich enough to run around the world (refer Ek tha Tiger)
4) Because even if I am really poor, I will still have designer clothes to wear everyday.
5) Because, I will always know how to dance and sing, even if originally my voice is super bad!
6) Because, every problem will have a convenient solution -- a) if i am sitting alone on a bench in Shimla, rejected and dejected by a guy, I will be taken to convent by a sweet nun (Jab we met)
b) If I will be sacrificing my "love" for family, i will have a very intelligent dog who will play the matchmaker at the right time (HAHK)
7) I will always have a beautiful apartment, preferably sea facing, in a city like mumbai, even if I am still searching for a job and even if i land up with a shitty assistant job in a cool magazine office (Wake up sid)
8) I will never have to study again and my school days will pass away singing "disco deewane" and "ishk wala love" between two hot guys.
9) People will leave me letters and when I read those letters, there face will appear on the paper and it will read it for me!!
10) I will go to all the heart patients in hospitals and play "kadam kadam badhaye jaa" and motivate them so much that they will start marching immediately! (So much money, time and energy saved)
11) When I will walk on an empty road and somebody will try to irritate me (ahem!) , I will ALWAYS have my hero who will save me from all the gundas!!
12) and my favorite!!! I will have background music in real life!!
Its a fun world! It unreal, its imaginative but living in a movie is a far happier thought than facing everyday in real life!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Raaz 3???
Why? Dont ask! I just went to watch this movie. I will not put the answer in record here. Ask me personally if you want to. How was the experience? So, let me think! Slutty Bipasha Basu --Not interested! Some unknown Esha Gupta -- Not interested. Imran Hashmi --- WHY!!!!! Who looked at him and told him ... "Sir!!! Aap to bilkul hero jaise lagte ho! Filmo main kyun nahi try karte!" Whoever he is, he is a bigger culprit than Imran Hashmi himself! A movie claiming to be scary -- Does NOT solve the purpose.
Anyway, as far the story goes, it’s a truck load of ghost crap. Bipasaha Basu is an ex-successful, now failing actress (This movie has to belong to the other realm, because it is only in some weirdo, slutty world that slutty Bipasha can be successful!) , who is de-throned by Esha Gupta. Bipasaha does not like it when she again loses some idiotic award to Esha , she walks off the award function. That's when her wafadar ex-naukar walks up to her and says, "Ye aapki nahi Bhagwaan ki haar hai" and hence takes her to Tara Dutt, the shaitan (And they just added dark circles to the guy's under eyes to show he is a shaitan! I TAKE MAJOR OFFENCE IN THIS ... Mr.BHATT!!! MAJOR OFFENCE!!!! ) Anyway, what follows is the only ... "Oh Shucks" moment of the entire movie when he goes inside a room and then comes again from behind Slutty Bipasha's back. And oh by the way, the real Shaitan Tara Dutt (why does he have such a gay-ey name!) is a red coloured super duper ultra yucky monster with insects crawling over him. Gross! NOT SCARY!! So he blows into some unhygenic water and makes it all the more un-hygenic and gives it SB (Slutty Bipasha Ofcourse!) to give it to her rival Esha who, on drinking the water will start seeing ghosts and whatever and whatever So SB seduces Mr.Long tongue Imran Hashmi and convinces him to give it to Esha Gupta.
So, Mr.Long Tongue makes friends with Esha and keeps giving her the shaitan spit (actually blown ...but who knows, there can be spit ...yakk!!) water and that's when the "so-called" scare game begins. She starts getting weird, scary dreams, cannot concentrate on her work and shit like that. Now when things go out of hand, enters some so called Pandit who says that let's have an adventurous night out at a kabristan and we will try to help Esha out. So, off they go for the picnic in the cemetery. Now the resolution to the issue is that Esha's soul is captured in "aatmaon ki duniya" and Pandit ji will go there and bail her out! So ...Mr.Bhatt here needs to know that the soul resides within us and if the soul has gone to another realm, then the physical body ceases to exist. Fundey hile hue hain I tell you!! So now Pandit Ji ties his hands to Esha's and off he goes to the land of souls. *drum rolls please* because now comes the idiotic-est part of the story! There in the land of souls, Esha becahri ki aatma is literally chained and when Pandit ji tries to free her, Keede wala Shaitan Tara Dutt, chops off his head.
Oh and while all this is happening, SB is playing the piano. Arey jab aata hai Piano bajana and you are a flop heroine then why not become a music director? Why so much nautanki!! Anyway, so after this head chopping session, becahri Esha is all hysterical and *drum rolls please*, because here comes another stupid part of the movie when Mr.Long Tounge Hashmi, shoves his toung down Becahri Esha's throat to calm her down. Chiii! Bad boy!! I mean really, you have just seen the grosiest thing in your life and you can still make love that passionately? Well!! I don’t know!
So now SB is becoming bad day by day and she puts up these hysterics and ROFLs on her white carpet and in the end becomes lady Rajnikanth by opening a locked door with one kick and another with one push of the hand. Although you think that the film cannot get any stupider, here are two awesome examples.
1) The ghost in all his keeda makauda yucky slimy avtaar asks SB to make love to him and how does he puts forth the proposal? "ek zinda aurat jo ek zinda mard ke sath karti hai, woh karegi tu mere sath" How decent na!!! It makes you go awwwwww! *BIG SMIRK* IDIOTS!!!!
2) The much talked about cockroach scene. What does a normal girl do in the following circumstances?
A) When you are already being haunted and you are alone in a huge wash room and you hear weird noises, will you run or will you shove your head inside the source of the noise?
B) When you have cockroaches all over you, will you cover up and run or will you shout, with mouth wide open and take off your clothes to expose more skin for them to sit on?
Seriously! Who asks the entire Bhatt clan to make movies? Why can’t they just go to the porn industry and make bad movies there?
I know this is one heck of a long post ... thanks for the patience!
PS: I will not put a poster here because I don’t want slutty Bipasha's pics on my blog anywhere!
Anyway, as far the story goes, it’s a truck load of ghost crap. Bipasaha Basu is an ex-successful, now failing actress (This movie has to belong to the other realm, because it is only in some weirdo, slutty world that slutty Bipasha can be successful!) , who is de-throned by Esha Gupta. Bipasaha does not like it when she again loses some idiotic award to Esha , she walks off the award function. That's when her wafadar ex-naukar walks up to her and says, "Ye aapki nahi Bhagwaan ki haar hai" and hence takes her to Tara Dutt, the shaitan (And they just added dark circles to the guy's under eyes to show he is a shaitan! I TAKE MAJOR OFFENCE IN THIS ... Mr.BHATT!!! MAJOR OFFENCE!!!! ) Anyway, what follows is the only ... "Oh Shucks" moment of the entire movie when he goes inside a room and then comes again from behind Slutty Bipasha's back. And oh by the way, the real Shaitan Tara Dutt (why does he have such a gay-ey name!) is a red coloured super duper ultra yucky monster with insects crawling over him. Gross! NOT SCARY!! So he blows into some unhygenic water and makes it all the more un-hygenic and gives it SB (Slutty Bipasha Ofcourse!) to give it to her rival Esha who, on drinking the water will start seeing ghosts and whatever and whatever So SB seduces Mr.Long tongue Imran Hashmi and convinces him to give it to Esha Gupta.
So, Mr.Long Tongue makes friends with Esha and keeps giving her the shaitan spit (actually blown ...but who knows, there can be spit ...yakk!!) water and that's when the "so-called" scare game begins. She starts getting weird, scary dreams, cannot concentrate on her work and shit like that. Now when things go out of hand, enters some so called Pandit who says that let's have an adventurous night out at a kabristan and we will try to help Esha out. So, off they go for the picnic in the cemetery. Now the resolution to the issue is that Esha's soul is captured in "aatmaon ki duniya" and Pandit ji will go there and bail her out! So ...Mr.Bhatt here needs to know that the soul resides within us and if the soul has gone to another realm, then the physical body ceases to exist. Fundey hile hue hain I tell you!! So now Pandit Ji ties his hands to Esha's and off he goes to the land of souls. *drum rolls please* because now comes the idiotic-est part of the story! There in the land of souls, Esha becahri ki aatma is literally chained and when Pandit ji tries to free her, Keede wala Shaitan Tara Dutt, chops off his head.
Oh and while all this is happening, SB is playing the piano. Arey jab aata hai Piano bajana and you are a flop heroine then why not become a music director? Why so much nautanki!! Anyway, so after this head chopping session, becahri Esha is all hysterical and *drum rolls please*, because here comes another stupid part of the movie when Mr.Long Tounge Hashmi, shoves his toung down Becahri Esha's throat to calm her down. Chiii! Bad boy!! I mean really, you have just seen the grosiest thing in your life and you can still make love that passionately? Well!! I don’t know!
So now SB is becoming bad day by day and she puts up these hysterics and ROFLs on her white carpet and in the end becomes lady Rajnikanth by opening a locked door with one kick and another with one push of the hand. Although you think that the film cannot get any stupider, here are two awesome examples.
1) The ghost in all his keeda makauda yucky slimy avtaar asks SB to make love to him and how does he puts forth the proposal? "ek zinda aurat jo ek zinda mard ke sath karti hai, woh karegi tu mere sath" How decent na!!! It makes you go awwwwww! *BIG SMIRK* IDIOTS!!!!
2) The much talked about cockroach scene. What does a normal girl do in the following circumstances?
A) When you are already being haunted and you are alone in a huge wash room and you hear weird noises, will you run or will you shove your head inside the source of the noise?
B) When you have cockroaches all over you, will you cover up and run or will you shout, with mouth wide open and take off your clothes to expose more skin for them to sit on?
Seriously! Who asks the entire Bhatt clan to make movies? Why can’t they just go to the porn industry and make bad movies there?
I know this is one heck of a long post ... thanks for the patience!
PS: I will not put a poster here because I don’t want slutty Bipasha's pics on my blog anywhere!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Safedi ki chamkaar?
I did not want to write about this. It is too cliched a topic and has been written and discussed about so many times that many people are tired of it. But yet , it continues to dominate the Indian society -- The obsession of Indians with a fair skin. Majorly fair skinned girls.It was a telemarketing ad which provoked me to write this. I have seen so many examples in my real life that I don't even have to start with the atrocious advertisements on the telly. However, I will get to them later. I am immediately reminded of my neighbor family in Bhopal,who were welcoming a newly born baby girl in their family. There happiness was "unfortunately" marred by the fact that the baby was a little dark in complexion. So the grand mother used to give her some oil massages which were believed to lighten the skin. I remember going to see the baby girl and the grand mother very happily exclaimed, "Her skin has become lighter thanks to my massages. She was darker when she was born." I didn't even want to give the dignity of acknowledgment to her stupid remark. This was just one of the many incidents I have seen.
Talking about the advertisements on Tv, they are nothing but derogatory to the female population. Yes I am a feminist. So, a girl has to be fair to land up a job and get the required confidence? Ugly guys can still get them ...right? The ad of Genelia Dsouza becoming a cricket commentator after applying a fairness cream, or another female becoming the "son" of the house by using the same cream and becoming the earning member of the family is so downright idiotic, I wonder why were they never sued by the entire female population together! Also, only the wife has to work on her to hold the attention of her man, lest he does not get bored and stray away? So much so that she is not even allowed to age gracefully! Thanks to all the "anti-aging" cremes! On the contrary a man can grow old, develop a pot-belly and still not worry about whether his wife may crave for good looks as well! Cherry on the cake are the vaginal fairness creams! They probably were in a competition of who can have the most ridiculous idea and this idea was the winner, hands down! This person took the meaning of the sentence "Its what inside that counts" too literally!
Where is the emphasis on a better personality, a way of carrying one's self, speaking well, confidence and a good sense of dressing and most importantly the emphasis on being a good human being? No wonder girls succumb to such pressure. Yes all human beings dig for everything that is beautiful. But unfortunately, beauty still is skin deep. It is going to take a long long time for everyone to change their thinking in India.
Talking about the advertisements on Tv, they are nothing but derogatory to the female population. Yes I am a feminist. So, a girl has to be fair to land up a job and get the required confidence? Ugly guys can still get them ...right? The ad of Genelia Dsouza becoming a cricket commentator after applying a fairness cream, or another female becoming the "son" of the house by using the same cream and becoming the earning member of the family is so downright idiotic, I wonder why were they never sued by the entire female population together! Also, only the wife has to work on her to hold the attention of her man, lest he does not get bored and stray away? So much so that she is not even allowed to age gracefully! Thanks to all the "anti-aging" cremes! On the contrary a man can grow old, develop a pot-belly and still not worry about whether his wife may crave for good looks as well! Cherry on the cake are the vaginal fairness creams! They probably were in a competition of who can have the most ridiculous idea and this idea was the winner, hands down! This person took the meaning of the sentence "Its what inside that counts" too literally!
Where is the emphasis on a better personality, a way of carrying one's self, speaking well, confidence and a good sense of dressing and most importantly the emphasis on being a good human being? No wonder girls succumb to such pressure. Yes all human beings dig for everything that is beautiful. But unfortunately, beauty still is skin deep. It is going to take a long long time for everyone to change their thinking in India.
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