I never

Lists are great cheats when one does not know what to write. Ergo, here is a list of 10 things I will never do in my life. Never. Ever.

1) I will never drink anybody's blood -- Now why would I even entertain such bizarre thoughts? Flashback to Friday evening, when the husband and I settled to watch a movie called "Limitless". For the benefit of people who have not watched this movie, I will not reveal much except for this one scene where Bradley Cooper is faced with this situation. Either he drinks this other character’s blood or die. He chooses the former. Now I , like many others, have a bad habit of putting myself in the shoes of the protagonist and thinking ... "Would I have done that?" "NO!" Shrieked my conscious! Never. Ever.

2) I will never shoot a man above his knees -- This again gets its roots from the zillion movies I have grown up watching. It is so easy to kill people in the movies! What if I have to, God forbid, face such a situation? Simple! Shoot him on the leg, hit the groin with your knee and run for your life!! But do not kill a person... Unless it is Osama Bin Laden or a rapist.

3) I will never stop reading! -- I was in Germany this morning. Sounds so cool, right? That's because I am reading Schindler's list. I was in Mississippi last to last week. It was bloody hot there! I felt it! I also felt the pain of all the maids in Mississippi. Thanks to Kathryn Stockett for taking me there through Help. Last to last month, I went to Europe with Bill Bryson through Neither Here, Nor there. All in my head, painting along the wide canvas with my imagination. Why would anyone not read? Why? Just why?

4) I will never hook up with a vampire -- Basically because it is too messy! Look at poor Elena. She could have lived a normal life like any other teen, but there she is. A vampire now, stuck in eternity having to drink blood of other people! Not something I would approve of.

5) I will never hook up (With anybody for that matter) -- I am happily married with the guy I love (Touchwood). I will never cheat or be an infidel, not only because I don't need to, but also because it is cheap and down market to cheat. Cheaters and Infidels should be kept in isolation with nothing to do but stare at infinity. Period!

6) I will never eat Non-Veg -- Shobhit, my lead from IBM and my best roomie's husband (That's another love story for another day and post) has only one thing to ask from me. Eat chicken! Even Rahul has tried offering me his KFC Chicken pop corns, which I have declined politely. One simple reason. My stomach is not a graveyard of dead animals. Case closed!

7) I will never re-open my FB account -- Once upon a time, there was an FB addict. Her name? Let's just call her VT. She started her day with FB, ended it with FB and of course would refresh it in every 10 minutes, wondering if her net connection was working or not, if there were no updates. It started growing on her. She started thinking of tag lines for her pictures even before they were clicked. She started comparing her likes with others. She realized she was losing it. One fine morning, with calm on her face and hand movements, she de-activated her account, never to bring it back to life. Today, it’s more than a year and she does not care enough!! "I am more than a profile", she says. I agree with her.


8) I will never smoke -- I Hate smokers. Hate with a capital H. There is no logical explanation to why someone would willingly want to burn down his lungs or others surrounding him for that matter. Don't give me the crap of "it feels good". Had this been a hedonist society, we would not have been working like idiots in our cubicles. Only hippies are true hedonists. So, no. Whatever explanation you give me over why you smoke, it is not good enough. If you even give me the shittiest answer of "It’s my life, I will do whatever I want to with it" then I am sorry buddy. When you smoke, non-smokers like me inhale your goodness. I don't know about you but I want to live a long life. Then, its just not your life you are risking, but also your friends and family members. If you have that killer roll between your fingers, then you better stay away from me.

9) I will never watch a Sajid Khan movie -- I know it is wrong to judge a person with the image portrayed of him in the media, but I cannot stand this one guy and on the top of that, he makes really bad movies. It's just sad. Mr. Khan may not really get my hard earned money for his tickets. Not that it makes an iota of difference to him, but this decision does me a lot of good and saves me time and money... And my sanity.

10) I will never sing in public -- I am bad, very bad. I am so bad that I will make Himesh Reshammiya sound like a better singer. Far better. Oh, he already has music sense, you say? Then maybe I will make anyone look sound better. Did I tell you I was bad? Trust me on this one!! Don't ever ask me to sing in public. I will curse you for life!!


Crazy , right? This post won't come as a surprise to people who know me or are used to my maddness (including the members of Army -- actually, especially the members of Army) Rest,if you are reading this, you will get used to me.

May there be lots of love (and craziness) in the world!