I never

Lists are great cheats when one does not know what to write. Ergo, here is a list of 10 things I will never do in my life. Never. Ever.

1) I will never drink anybody's blood -- Now why would I even entertain such bizarre thoughts? Flashback to Friday evening, when the husband and I settled to watch a movie called "Limitless". For the benefit of people who have not watched this movie, I will not reveal much except for this one scene where Bradley Cooper is faced with this situation. Either he drinks this other character’s blood or die. He chooses the former. Now I , like many others, have a bad habit of putting myself in the shoes of the protagonist and thinking ... "Would I have done that?" "NO!" Shrieked my conscious! Never. Ever.

2) I will never shoot a man above his knees -- This again gets its roots from the zillion movies I have grown up watching. It is so easy to kill people in the movies! What if I have to, God forbid, face such a situation? Simple! Shoot him on the leg, hit the groin with your knee and run for your life!! But do not kill a person... Unless it is Osama Bin Laden or a rapist.

3) I will never stop reading! -- I was in Germany this morning. Sounds so cool, right? That's because I am reading Schindler's list. I was in Mississippi last to last week. It was bloody hot there! I felt it! I also felt the pain of all the maids in Mississippi. Thanks to Kathryn Stockett for taking me there through Help. Last to last month, I went to Europe with Bill Bryson through Neither Here, Nor there. All in my head, painting along the wide canvas with my imagination. Why would anyone not read? Why? Just why?

4) I will never hook up with a vampire -- Basically because it is too messy! Look at poor Elena. She could have lived a normal life like any other teen, but there she is. A vampire now, stuck in eternity having to drink blood of other people! Not something I would approve of.

5) I will never hook up (With anybody for that matter) -- I am happily married with the guy I love (Touchwood). I will never cheat or be an infidel, not only because I don't need to, but also because it is cheap and down market to cheat. Cheaters and Infidels should be kept in isolation with nothing to do but stare at infinity. Period!

6) I will never eat Non-Veg -- Shobhit, my lead from IBM and my best roomie's husband (That's another love story for another day and post) has only one thing to ask from me. Eat chicken! Even Rahul has tried offering me his KFC Chicken pop corns, which I have declined politely. One simple reason. My stomach is not a graveyard of dead animals. Case closed!

7) I will never re-open my FB account -- Once upon a time, there was an FB addict. Her name? Let's just call her VT. She started her day with FB, ended it with FB and of course would refresh it in every 10 minutes, wondering if her net connection was working or not, if there were no updates. It started growing on her. She started thinking of tag lines for her pictures even before they were clicked. She started comparing her likes with others. She realized she was losing it. One fine morning, with calm on her face and hand movements, she de-activated her account, never to bring it back to life. Today, it’s more than a year and she does not care enough!! "I am more than a profile", she says. I agree with her.


8) I will never smoke -- I Hate smokers. Hate with a capital H. There is no logical explanation to why someone would willingly want to burn down his lungs or others surrounding him for that matter. Don't give me the crap of "it feels good". Had this been a hedonist society, we would not have been working like idiots in our cubicles. Only hippies are true hedonists. So, no. Whatever explanation you give me over why you smoke, it is not good enough. If you even give me the shittiest answer of "It’s my life, I will do whatever I want to with it" then I am sorry buddy. When you smoke, non-smokers like me inhale your goodness. I don't know about you but I want to live a long life. Then, its just not your life you are risking, but also your friends and family members. If you have that killer roll between your fingers, then you better stay away from me.

9) I will never watch a Sajid Khan movie -- I know it is wrong to judge a person with the image portrayed of him in the media, but I cannot stand this one guy and on the top of that, he makes really bad movies. It's just sad. Mr. Khan may not really get my hard earned money for his tickets. Not that it makes an iota of difference to him, but this decision does me a lot of good and saves me time and money... And my sanity.

10) I will never sing in public -- I am bad, very bad. I am so bad that I will make Himesh Reshammiya sound like a better singer. Far better. Oh, he already has music sense, you say? Then maybe I will make anyone look sound better. Did I tell you I was bad? Trust me on this one!! Don't ever ask me to sing in public. I will curse you for life!!


Crazy , right? This post won't come as a surprise to people who know me or are used to my maddness (including the members of Army -- actually, especially the members of Army) Rest,if you are reading this, you will get used to me.

May there be lots of love (and craziness) in the world!

I hugged MS Dhoni (Dream Watcher series 1)

... in my dream!

They are the best source of entertainment, in every sense. When people say "Nothing is impossible", a dream is one place which actually proves that to you. Sometimes you are running on railway tracks to save your life from a man after you or you are talking to your best friend on a swing and you suddenly realize that the friend has vanished and you are now standing on an unknown beach. You even go prepare yourself for an interview with the Dalai Lama (Yes, I saw that too!!)

I have had some brilliant dreams. Unfortunately, like any lesser mortal, I forget them within the first half an hour of waking up. I even tried to maintain a dream journal, but could not be regular with it. Moreover, I was suffering from a fitful sleep just because I used to be too keen to record my dreams. But today, I woke up with a silly teenage smile on my face. In fact, I was smiling like a silly teenager in my dream too! Any girl would! I hugged MS Dhoni -- in front of the WHOLE SCHOOL!! Yes! That's what I dreamed of. Now that I think of it, it's as silly as silly can be. I was in my school and there was probably a foot ball match happening. MS was playing in it and for some reason he called me and told me that I will captain the next match. He was speaking to me like he already knew me. There was no question in my mind about that. See!! This is what I love about dreams. Logic is packed in a bundle and thrown off the red sea never to be seen or talked about again. That is such a huge relief for creative people. (or pseudo creative ones like me) Anyway back to the dream, this is the dialogue.

"You have to captain the next match." Said Dhoni, pulling me out of the crowd.
"What are you talking about? I don't do strategies and things. I will have no idea about this." I said with panic.
(a hint of logic here. I thankfully don't forget who I am)
"Don't say that! You are my last hope" (These would be dire conditions for him!)

By the way, while this discussion is happening, Dhoni and I are standing on a cemented raised platform, as thin as the divider of a road, and since its width is too less to keep our feet on, we have our hands around each other's waists. (I have the same silly teenage smile on my face as I write this)

Then, when he convinces me to captain the team, I put my other hand around him and give him a hug. Now all this is happening with all the girls of my school watching us and probably fuming with envy. (Ha!) In fact I say this to Dhoni.

"Do you realize all the Carmelites would be jealous of me right now?" I said with a smile. And then with that famous sly yet naughty, sweet, childish smile that Dhoni has, he says. "Oh yes, I think so!"

This part ends here. But the dream does not. I go back with a song on my lips and spring in my feet to I don't know where. It was not home. It cannot be a hostel because our school did not have one (Although, there was no cemented divider in our school where Dhoni and I were standing,if you think about it!! ). But where ever I am, I am now informed that I am supposed to go to Dubai for a good 3-4 months/years. (Not sure) Unfortunately, I piss off another girl now who was waiting for this Dubai opportunity since a very long time.

So I don't know Dhoni! I have never even seen him, let alone hugging him. I know about Football as much as Dhoni knows about Datawarehousing and ETL. I am not going to Dubai! I make no one jealous! But for a few minutes in my sleep, I did all of that. If nothing else, I got a reason to be happy about. Not bad eh?

Let there be lots of love in the world! Dream on!!

She Knew ...

In the wee hours of morning
she peeks out of the window and see him leave
sneaking out , dragging his bike
so that no one knows
But she does ...
She knew he will break her heart
yet she gave it to him
she knew he was the con man
and yet she closed her eyes .
She closed her eyes
when he had slowly come near her
when he had touched her cheek
when he had whispered those promises
She knew he would break them all.
She was flying and she knew one day
she will come crashing down
that he will crush her feathers
and throw them
leaving her hopeless and heartless
she knew she wanted to die.
But, years later, when he came back
she knew nothing
she did not know how to hate him
how to slap his face
like she dreamed of for all these years
she did not know how to stop those tears
to stop making her heart beat so fast
All she knew was that she still wanted to love him
She knew she wanted was to live.

The Bucket List

1) Visit Disney Land during Christmas
2) Write a best seller
3) Read and have a coffee at a roadside Parisian café
4) Be a part of making a movie
5) Back pack through Europe
6) Dance a ballet
7) Watch Northern Lights live
8) Have coffee with Barack Obama , Oprah Winfrey and Morgan Freeman … oh and Leonardo di Caprio
9) Speak at TED
10) Shop at the Fifth Avenue
11) Dream Lucidly
12) Experience Astral Projection
13) Get a law passed to castrate rapists
14) Eat every vegetarian dish from every part of the world
15) Learn to bake cup cakes
16) Donate my Eyes
17) Have a popular blog
18) Find a passion
19) Kiss in the rain
20) Live happily ever after

The Choice

They say Life is not meant to stay in one place and die in a box. It should be one hell of a crazy ride, where you arrive at the end, sliding by your side, clothes torn and tattered , shouting, "What a ride." Nothing can be truer for my life. If life is a combination of ups and down, highs and lows, mine is a combination of every ride you see in a theme park. Yet, I have enjoyed it all.

I was born in a broken family. Only we knew it was broken. For people outside, our family was picture perfect. A well earning father, a lovely mother for a house wife and an elder sister. What could go wrong? I never saw my parents smile at each other or even share a few pleasantries for that matter. I never understood what the problem between the two was. All I knew was that a simple mundane statement like dad asking, "Where is my shirt?" or mom saying, "Sugar will soon be over" was enough of a catalyst to start off a fight. Maybe they could never fall in love with each other. Maybe they were stuck with their respective parents' choices. Divorce or separation were still taboo words in an Indian society, hence they did not have much of a choice. So they preferred hanging in there, but never shied away from expressing how difficult it was for both of them to live with the other.

So there we were my sister Rashmi and I, living in a house of extremes. It was either silent, occasionally filled with sounds of the television or the radio, or it was filled with the quarrelling noises of our parents. Rashmi and I had a choice, as we saw the mayhem in our house, which had become a routine. We could either grow up frustrated, fighting with each other as well (We did have extremely limited amount of patience in us) or we could do something different about it.

Fortunately, both of us chose the latter. We decided to look at the other side of life, which was, thankfully way beyond the constant bickering of our parents. Rashmi gently woke me up one Sunday morning and asked me, "Guess what’s exciting today?" Too groggy to understand her question I groaned and rolled over to the other side. "Neha!! Get up. Tell me what's going to be exciting today." "Nothing!" I said, irritated.

"Dad's going to be home all day and we will spend the whole day living in the fear of a war!"

"That's where you are wrong, sister!" She said. "We are going to make an elaborate lunch today and give mom some rest. Then when mom and dad will be busy taking their siesta, we will sneak out for an ice cream!"

I looked at her like she had lost it forever. "What is wrong with you Rashmi? We get just one day off from school, remember? “I said.

"Everything is right in the world sweetheart. Now get up. We don't want to eat a late lunch, do we?"

Reluctantly, I got up and prepared myself for the day. Besides already dealing with two fighting parents, I will now also have to deal with a crazy elder sister? I was not exactly in love with my life.

Even mom was surprised to see her two lazy daughters take over the kitchen. Unfortunately, our mother was among those who could not have a foreign element enter her area of dominance. It was a bigger effort to keep her away from "her" kitchen than to make the actual lunch. After a long haul, Rashmi and I made some really good lunch. We set the table, served our parents and ended up having a surprisingly good family time. Our parents, both proud and surprised with their daughters, were actually talking normally to each other. It was turning out to be a special Sunday after all.
Later, when both of them retired for a short afternoon nap, I decided to take one myself. I had, after all, earned it.

"What do you think you are doing?" Rashmi asked me as I was about to get comfortable under my bed covers. "Sleeping?" I said, confused.

"What about our ice cream plans? Come on!" She whispered, clenching her teeth.

"I am too tired." I cried.

"My treat!", she raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"What do you want from me, Rashmi?" I frowned and looked at her. I was honestly not getting this sudden change in her. Although it was infectious, it was still puzzling.

"I just want us to be happy. Now get ready. We don’t have much time."

"Are you not supposed to be the responsible elder sister? What if we get caught? “I was still too reluctant.

Now it was Rashmi's turn to be irritated. "That's where the fun is!" She said. "Do you want to come or not?"

I considered for a while. It might not be a bad little adventure after all.

"Give me 2 minutes." I rushed to change while my crazy sister smiled behind me.

The ice cream shop was just around the corner and fortunately, we did manage to get home in time. Not that we were doing something wrong. It was harmless fun and we had our little secret. It did turn out to be a fun Sunday!

The next morning Rashmi woke me up with the same question. "Guess what's exciting today?"

"It’s a Monday morning, Rashmi!" I almost raised my voice. "Nothing is ever exciting about a Monday morning! We have to go back to school." What a depressing thought! Did she have to rub it in, this early? I could have still caught up with 15 minutes of my precious sleep.

She was groggy in her sleep but was still smiling. "Well! I get to see Varun and don’t you have 2 free periods in a row today?"
Alright! My sister was officially crazy! But I had to smile at this remark.

"My two free periods in a row are fine. But Varun is a twelfth standard senior. He does not even look at students like you in ninth!"

"That's alright! But I still get to see him!" she winked and went towards the bathroom.

I found myself asking the same question. "What IS wrong with her?" But the thought of two free periods in a row did pep me up a little.

In the coming days, it had become a custom every morning to ask each other about the most exciting part of the day. If we could not think of anything, we would come up with our own. " I am going to sleep one extra hour today." or "I am going to go window shopping with friends after school." I was enjoying our game. In fact, we would look forward for a reason to celebrate that “happy moment” the next day.

Our lives never had a revolution. Our parents did not stop fighting. Sometimes it even grew worse. I went through my own life as any other girl. I had my share of success, failures, boys and heart breaks. But amidst all this, I did find my reason to be excited about for “today” even if it was, “Tonight I am going to lie down and watch Friends for the 100th time with a cup of coffee”.

Years later, I was to teach the same priceless lesson to my little one. However, she was not as easy to handle. One rainy morning, when I woke her up and whispered, ruffling her soft hair, “What’s exciting today, honey?” She looked at me with big quizzical eyes and asked, “what if there is nothing exciting for today, mamma?”

I brought her closer to me and kissed her little hand. “Every day, honey, even when you don’t really realize it, there is one moment to be happy about. You just have to look carefully.”

“But today is Maths test, it’s raining outside and I hate going to school wearing a raincoat. What should I be happy about?”

“Then you create one!” I said.

“Like?”

“Like when you come back from school, having done brilliantly in your test”, I said raising my eyebrows and smiling, “we can have lunch outside and you can play in the gaming palour”

Her mouth and eyes were widened equally and before she could jump high enough to touch the ceiling, I reminded her that she still had school to attend.

What started as a way to escape an unpleasant house became a way of life for all of us. Rashmi had taught me the biggest lesson of my life -- to hold on to what was mine and was in my control – my happiness.