The battle of Egos

Human Beings -- We are , for the lack of a better word, strange. We fight over petty issues. We take each other's lives to just prove a point. Who stops to realize that the only thing we think about is our ego? That when a person fights for "My God' there is only a 'My'  and hardly any 'God'? Sometimes I think we are nothing but masses of ego as delicate as glass, moving around, craving to be pleased , to be bloated in self-righteousness. One strike of disagreement and the glass shatters, causing destruction in its wake but primarily, destroying itself.

I am not a very politically aware person. But what I see is individuals fighting for power -- to enjoy it, to take advantage and relish in it. I would love to be directed to a leader, who takes the podium because he has dreams for a country, that he wants to selflessly pursue. Closer home, I see a lot of "leaders" in a professional set-up who take decisions for their own personal gain, not realising that they impact scores and scores of careers. I wonder, do they really stop and think , "How will this decision bebefit my people?" Or are they really stuck to "How will this decision benefit me?"

I wonder what will I do as a leader. Up until now, I have always shied away from taking responsibilities as a leader -- the power of impacting lives is overwhelming. Incidentally, this is not how others think.

I do not have a point to proove here. Or maybe, what I am trying to say is that all of us are selfish to the core. Good or Bad? No. One cannot look for black and white under a gray sky. Each situation demands a different resonse -- but,  where is that thin lne between "thinking about your well-being" and "being selfish". And should we care? Should we collect the "Is" and the "MYs" and the "Mines" of our lives and live happily? I don't know. Someday, I hope to have an answer.

How Do You Feel?

I write this a day after my Birthday ... And boy is it a relief! There! I said it. I am not a big fan of Birthdays -- Mine or anyone else's. Years and years of conditioning have one believe that birthdays are special. Ok, so I will quit being cynical and admit that Birthdays are special because that's the day you came on the earth as a human being. That's good -- so maybe a quick Thank You to God/Universe/Power is great. Thank You that I was born to a wonderful family and that I have been healthy all these years.  Having said that I like to have calm and simple birthdays.

Last time, someone pointed out that I only wrote about movies. So I tried to stop. Although I wanted to write about Dhanak. I will not write a lot about it but know this -- if you want to watch just one movie, watch Dhanak. I know most of you would not have even heard of it. So do the next natural thing -- Google.

The last few months have been crazy. Something new in life always drives you to the wall. Last month and a half were like a fight under the water. One is delusional thanks to less oxygen and then there is a struggle to stay afloat. I know it sounds like I have been in some kind of a power struggle but I exaggerate. Although I did realize that I have a serious case of FOMO -- especially when it comes to work which is stupid because I am not exactly in love with being a developer.

I also found out that I am changing in my head as I am growing older. One MAJOR change I see is how aggressively I go to any length to avoid the human company. I don't want to sound full of myself here. It's just typical introvert behavior. When I come back from work, all I feel like doing is stay at home. On weekends, my only motivation for leaving home is a seemingly good movie. I have a friend who practically asks me every Friday to hang out and I straight out refuse. He now thinks my behavior is strange. "I don't know what's wrong with you?" He muttered under his breath when I turned his invitation down this Friday for the third time. This becomes difficult still when the husband wants to go out and party and I slump down even deeper inside my bed. I think I have pretended enough of being a people's person. I have stopped going to the writer's because there will be people there. I can still chit chat when it's just one on one company and that too occasionally.

But I guess there is more to this behavior than just being an introvert. I mean, have you seen my Netflix list? It's growing bigger and bigger every day as is my to-be-read books list. My Pocket app is FULL of these articles waiting to be read on my phone and my YouTube offline video section has as many as 130 videos waiting to be seen. I cannot consume all that great content in a party with deafening music now, can I?

 The last time I wrote an article around my Birthday, I spoke of how completely uninterested I was to get married. That post was quite popular actually. I am told I was even discussed during lunch. Well! I eventually did get married and I am happy. Now that the line of "30" has been crossed, there are talks of motherhood. The interesting part is how other people are so interested in knowing when will I "plan" a baby than my own family. In fact, my immediate family has never asked me my "plan" Some people however do not understand the concept of boundaries. Now dare I write here that I do not want motherhood. Even though this blog has minimal readers, somehow people will be appalled by this statement. Sigh! I wish everyone just concentrated on their own lives.

Anyway, it will be wrong to say that I do not want motherhood. As stupid as it sounds, it will give me a lot of content to write about here. I don't know if I will get the time, but I will definitely get the material! On a serious note, the thought of running behind a tiny little human being does not disturb me very much especially now. And after I watched Gilmore Girls, I sometimes even feel good about it. However, Gilmore Girls is the story of a very lucky Lorelai. She got lucky with Rory --everyone knows that! I am not sure what is going to happen in the case of yours truly. Rest assured this blog will be a testament to that.

Speaking of Lorelai, I recommend everyone to watch Gilmore Girls. It MAKES you want to be intelligent and well-read. I am so excited about its revival that sometimes, it is the one thing I look forward to and genuinely feel happy about it. I want to know what references will they make this time and how many I understand without having to use Google. I know and understand that world better than I used to when the show was first made. I also have my Rory Reading list (adding to my reasons for staying at home). I am far from finishing it yet, but I have started and that's not bad at all.

Another thing about that show is that it makes you want to live the lives of the Gilmore Girls. The small town charm, their minds --everything about them -- you just want to steal that life. Aah! That small fictional world one wishes to escape to!

This was fun to do. I will come back -- I promise!