I am a jolly good fellow!!

They say ... When you are happy and you want to show it clap your hands. But the song does not tell you "how" to be happy. Feeling good about yourself can be a way. Well! While I was sitting in my office uselessly killing time ( because i was more than efficient today and completed everything before time) I was reminded of incidents when I was made to feel good about myself. Honestly, there aren't many incidents. But then if i really jog my memory, I can come up with a few incidents. Here are some:

1) Paper presentation at All Saints: In the fourth or fifth semester (I suppose) when there was a paper presentation contest. My partner ditched me on the last days (said she was ill) and i had to give the whole presentation alone. I had no problems as such. There was one slight glitch. There would be no one to change the slides while I spoke. But the technical assistant there (or he was some volunteer) changed the slides for me and after the initial nervousness I was doing well. Quite well. I thought so for myself. And then the praises started coming in. People I knew. People I didnt know.Everyone said "I was fantastic". Spoke with confidence. 'was unbelievably good and most importantly "brave" to have had the guts to have gone up there without my partner. Although I didnot see this as an issue at all. Students claiming that i should have won the first prize. Although I won none. But the applause and the praises were the biggest awards i could ask for. I felt really really happy that day!

2) 12th Std Though for the day -- I always had a favorite story of a little girl who managed to get an operation on her sick younger brother when she goes to buy a "miracle" from a medical shop. When I was asked to say the thought for the day for the morning player in 12th Std -- this seemed to be a perfect story and so I narrated it to the whole school. Turned out quite well. Teachers and students alike loved it and I was elated. While I remember this, I also remember that in some class, I was the only one congratulated by sister principle to have given a wonderful thought for the day after soo long. Loved the surprise!!

3) Satyam Selection: When we found out that Satyam was recruiting from our college, I knew just one thing. I could not let my self down because i was attending a very costly coaching for MBA on those days. "I cannot let myself down in front of everyone" not "I have to get selected" and so i went. I gave the written and when mom asked" what do u feel, how have you done?" i had no answer. I was selected in written and went ahead to give the GD and finally interview. After the interview i though it was over. But i was so wrong. It was far from over. It had just began. I was selected. That day i knew what it was when people said "I was numb" because thats what I was. numb. I came to know about the news at a friends place. I called up my mom from their and when i wen went home all i said was "naukri lag gayi" touched my mom's feet and went to sleep. I think I realized the magnitude of selection ( however small it seems now) when i went to college the next day. We were stars.As soon as i entered the college bus, everyone started clapping unexpectedly. Only 4 people got selected and i was one of them. I had never achieved something so big in my life! But you know what was the best thing i did those days? Reminded myself to be grounded ... whatever happens .. I knew I had to stay grounded. Probably the fact that I had a paper back helped me to not fly in pride.

Compliments for a good dish or when i look good also makes me feel good. Thats when i feel : I am a jolly good fellow :)

Decoding love ...

Here I go again ranting about love ... the power that makes the world go round. The feeling that make hearts melt.. that makes you happy without a reason. I sometimes wonder, if love was personified to be in a human form, how beautiful would it be. But then why does it not bring happiness always always? Maybe because what we feel is love and we grow sad , angry ,jealous because of being in love ... that feeling is probably not love at all. Its adamancy, ego, selfishness. So that means if i claim to be in love and all that i felt was anger, jealous, lost then maybe it was not love at all. Maybe it was attraction, infatuation, crush or probably love but in a very nascent level. Maybe, love takes time to grow and the person grows along with it. I had heard people say that if you really love someone, you will be happy in his/her happiness. I read a quote somewhere when said that a little jealousy in a relationship is good. It feels good to know that someone is afraid of loosing you. However beautiful it might sound, love does not bring insecurities. If she loves you , she will never leave you for even the most handsomest, bestest man in the world. You will accept them with all their imperfections and flaws. It requires a lot of growing up to do to get that level of selflessness and maturity. And as i said you grow with love and love grows with you. Maybe thats why it is also said that when you love someone, you set him free. If he loves you, he will come back.
Love is only beautiful. If you see it turning ugly, understand that the "feeling" still needs time to be called love.
May there be lots of love in the world. :)