The Gilmore Girls Revival in an Age of Too Much Information

The world of Gilmore Girls lovers waited with bated breath for the big revival. All the characters -- big or small, were coming together. There were theories and opinion pieces and the world of the internet was filled with what is going to finally happen to our favorite girls. Because the day arrives earlier in India than the US, I , in an anticipation of miracles, stayed up to see if I could really be the first one to start binge-watching the show. The world does not work the way I want and so I waited till it was Friday evening. And should I say I was a tad bit disappointed?

Now here is the big problem in the world that we live in. When it comes to information for an internet junkie like me, the websites love to throw red,juicy, meaty but useless information about everything around us. So much was written about how the original run of GG left the world unsatisfied because the writers, the Palladino couple, left the show after season 6, how season 7 just felt out of place in a universe that the writers had created and don't even get me started about the men in Rory's life.  There was too much information out there -- we knew that Melissa McCarthy was super busy but she still joined the cast at the last minute. We knew that there were going to be those last four words that Amy Sherman-Palladino had in her mind from the very beginning , we knew almost everything that was going behind the scenes.

In retrospect, I wish I had not gobbled up every article about GG that I laid my eyes upon. If I hadn't known that ASP planned this ending since the beginning, I would still have been shocked but maybe lesser than what I am right now. This reaction has again to do with something that I read online about how ASP thinks that it is just sad that all people are concerned about is who is the man that Rory will end up with. Why are there no discussions about if she made it big in the world of journalism or did she win the Pulitzer prize? This article got my hopes soaring high. But what do I get?  I get a Rory still struggling to find her foot in the journalism world , still being with Logan knowing fully well that he was engaged with another woman! Didn't she do the same thing with Dean? Didn't she learn anything from her previous mistake? What is she -- the perpetual 'other woman'? Wasn't she a traveler? Couldn't she find one interesting man during her travels? And even if she can't, how hard it is to stay single?

And those last  four words!! "Mom? Yeah? I am pregnant" Those are the last words that we would have got if ASP still had the reigns of the show? I am glad she did not have it then! I was happy to see Rory step out in the world. And why that concern over Rory's love life discussions if all you wanted to do in the end was leave her jobless and with a child that too out of a relationship built on the grounds of cheating? That does not make any sense!

Rory in the last episode of the last season goes on to cover  Barrack Obama's campaign trail. Because of the other several articles I had read, I knew Rory will be struggling in her career in the revival. But to the extent shown takes away all the hopes and dreams that we as viewers had set up with Rory in the initial seasons. She is shown to join her prep school in the middle of the year and she still comes out as Valedictorian. She went to Yale! She went on a campaign trail with the biggest publishing houses. Could she not make a single contact? All we hear about in the revival is her New Yorker piece. Okay, she wrote one piece. Next, please! How much can you harp about one achievement? See, I understand a person struggles in their career. It is great to see the struggle. It was great to see Rory jump back to her feet after she was torn down by Mitchum Huntzbeger. There is a struggle and then there is a victory. We saw Lorelai struggle with the DragonFly Inn. But the sweet victory is what I was waiting for. At least show us what happened to the book that Rory was writing!

Now that my anger has been vented out, I admit that the rest of the show was great and I enjoyed myself. Not the one to cry easily while watching a TV show, I felt myself welling up when Lorelai calls Emily to tell her about her favorite memory of her father. I loved how Emily found her freedom and identity after being just a wife for more than 50 years. I loved the boredom that seemed to seep in Luke and Lorelai's relationship (or was it just the lack of chemistry between the two actors?) I loved the impromptu wedding. It was disappointing to not see Sookie in the wedding but thanks to those million articles, we know it was because McCarthy was not available. But like I read somewhere, that does not make sense narratively.

All in all, my GG revival experience was a mixed feeling especially because of Rory's character arc and that ending. This revival was supposed to give us closure. Instead, it has opened up a whole lot of new questions.

Let me (not) take a selfie!

Before the invention of cell phones with the front camera, there used to be just the camera -- with no cell phone. Before there was pouting, there were candid moments and awkward poses. Most importantly, before there was narcissism, there was capturing a special moment. 

I may sound like a bitter old woman but I miss those special pictures. When I was growing up, looking at the photo album with photographs carefully placed in order of occurrence used to be a special time. Many times someone would say, "There is an interesting story behind this picture!" Today we have moved to, "We were bored so all we did was take selfies while making funny faces." Selfies are good when you meet a friend after ages and there is no one around to take a picture for you. Selfies are good when you have finally finished the crossword and there is no one around to hug you. I hope you get the drift -- selfies are still good when there is a memory to capture. But these days it's just , "Hey ! Let's take a selfie!" Also, a selfie is good only if "you" are looking good in that picture. If a friend demands a re-take because he/she is not captured in a way they would have liked it, you dismiss them by saying, "It's all good. You are looking perfect!" Isn't it? Admit it! The selfie culture is promoting selfishness which is already deep-rooted in our world.

Sigh! Memories have lost their charm. And so has "living in the moment". Go to a concert or a live event and all you find is people recording it on their phones. I stop myself from lowering their stretched out arm and telling them, "Dude! Keep the phone down. First enjoy the moment you are in". I understand Martin Garrix does not come to India every day and that does account for capturing the moment, but if you watch the whole show through your phone then when did "you" see it? And honestly, unless you are absolutely in front, all you are going to record is a sea of thousand heads in front of you and a tiny human being far off on the stage playing music. So just put down the phone! There will be a better quality video on YouTube pretty soon anyway.

I have always wanted a few answers from those who are obsessed with selfies. Here goes :

1) What do you do with so many selfies?

2) Kudos to the self-love but do you know there is a thin line between self-love and narcissism?

3) After you take a selfie, why do you send it to people on Whatsapp who are not in that picture? What do you expect us to do with them?

4) How do you manage your phone memory (I am genuinely curious about this one --even Google Photos comes with a limited memory)

5) What good comes out of pouting?

6) And finally Why.So.May.Selfies!!

The battle of Egos

Human Beings -- We are , for the lack of a better word, strange. We fight over petty issues. We take each other's lives to just prove a point. Who stops to realize that the only thing we think about is our ego? That when a person fights for "My God' there is only a 'My'  and hardly any 'God'? Sometimes I think we are nothing but masses of ego as delicate as glass, moving around, craving to be pleased , to be bloated in self-righteousness. One strike of disagreement and the glass shatters, causing destruction in its wake but primarily, destroying itself.

I am not a very politically aware person. But what I see is individuals fighting for power -- to enjoy it, to take advantage and relish in it. I would love to be directed to a leader, who takes the podium because he has dreams for a country, that he wants to selflessly pursue. Closer home, I see a lot of "leaders" in a professional set-up who take decisions for their own personal gain, not realising that they impact scores and scores of careers. I wonder, do they really stop and think , "How will this decision bebefit my people?" Or are they really stuck to "How will this decision benefit me?"

I wonder what will I do as a leader. Up until now, I have always shied away from taking responsibilities as a leader -- the power of impacting lives is overwhelming. Incidentally, this is not how others think.

I do not have a point to proove here. Or maybe, what I am trying to say is that all of us are selfish to the core. Good or Bad? No. One cannot look for black and white under a gray sky. Each situation demands a different resonse -- but,  where is that thin lne between "thinking about your well-being" and "being selfish". And should we care? Should we collect the "Is" and the "MYs" and the "Mines" of our lives and live happily? I don't know. Someday, I hope to have an answer.

How Do You Feel?

I write this a day after my Birthday ... And boy is it a relief! There! I said it. I am not a big fan of Birthdays -- Mine or anyone else's. Years and years of conditioning have one believe that birthdays are special. Ok, so I will quit being cynical and admit that Birthdays are special because that's the day you came on the earth as a human being. That's good -- so maybe a quick Thank You to God/Universe/Power is great. Thank You that I was born to a wonderful family and that I have been healthy all these years.  Having said that I like to have calm and simple birthdays.

Last time, someone pointed out that I only wrote about movies. So I tried to stop. Although I wanted to write about Dhanak. I will not write a lot about it but know this -- if you want to watch just one movie, watch Dhanak. I know most of you would not have even heard of it. So do the next natural thing -- Google.

The last few months have been crazy. Something new in life always drives you to the wall. Last month and a half were like a fight under the water. One is delusional thanks to less oxygen and then there is a struggle to stay afloat. I know it sounds like I have been in some kind of a power struggle but I exaggerate. Although I did realize that I have a serious case of FOMO -- especially when it comes to work which is stupid because I am not exactly in love with being a developer.

I also found out that I am changing in my head as I am growing older. One MAJOR change I see is how aggressively I go to any length to avoid the human company. I don't want to sound full of myself here. It's just typical introvert behavior. When I come back from work, all I feel like doing is stay at home. On weekends, my only motivation for leaving home is a seemingly good movie. I have a friend who practically asks me every Friday to hang out and I straight out refuse. He now thinks my behavior is strange. "I don't know what's wrong with you?" He muttered under his breath when I turned his invitation down this Friday for the third time. This becomes difficult still when the husband wants to go out and party and I slump down even deeper inside my bed. I think I have pretended enough of being a people's person. I have stopped going to the writer's because there will be people there. I can still chit chat when it's just one on one company and that too occasionally.

But I guess there is more to this behavior than just being an introvert. I mean, have you seen my Netflix list? It's growing bigger and bigger every day as is my to-be-read books list. My Pocket app is FULL of these articles waiting to be read on my phone and my YouTube offline video section has as many as 130 videos waiting to be seen. I cannot consume all that great content in a party with deafening music now, can I?

 The last time I wrote an article around my Birthday, I spoke of how completely uninterested I was to get married. That post was quite popular actually. I am told I was even discussed during lunch. Well! I eventually did get married and I am happy. Now that the line of "30" has been crossed, there are talks of motherhood. The interesting part is how other people are so interested in knowing when will I "plan" a baby than my own family. In fact, my immediate family has never asked me my "plan" Some people however do not understand the concept of boundaries. Now dare I write here that I do not want motherhood. Even though this blog has minimal readers, somehow people will be appalled by this statement. Sigh! I wish everyone just concentrated on their own lives.

Anyway, it will be wrong to say that I do not want motherhood. As stupid as it sounds, it will give me a lot of content to write about here. I don't know if I will get the time, but I will definitely get the material! On a serious note, the thought of running behind a tiny little human being does not disturb me very much especially now. And after I watched Gilmore Girls, I sometimes even feel good about it. However, Gilmore Girls is the story of a very lucky Lorelai. She got lucky with Rory --everyone knows that! I am not sure what is going to happen in the case of yours truly. Rest assured this blog will be a testament to that.

Speaking of Lorelai, I recommend everyone to watch Gilmore Girls. It MAKES you want to be intelligent and well-read. I am so excited about its revival that sometimes, it is the one thing I look forward to and genuinely feel happy about it. I want to know what references will they make this time and how many I understand without having to use Google. I know and understand that world better than I used to when the show was first made. I also have my Rory Reading list (adding to my reasons for staying at home). I am far from finishing it yet, but I have started and that's not bad at all.

Another thing about that show is that it makes you want to live the lives of the Gilmore Girls. The small town charm, their minds --everything about them -- you just want to steal that life. Aah! That small fictional world one wishes to escape to!

This was fun to do. I will come back -- I promise!

Vipassana Experience -- Bangalore, India

I clearly remember a day, usually not worth remembering. I was sitting in the office, upset and frustrated with something, wanting to run away from the world, from everything. I remember opening google and searching for Vipassana. I remember booking a slot. Although what I don’t remember is how did I know about Vipassana. I seriously have no clue. But, in the last five years, I have booked and cancelled Vipassana at least 3 times. Twice, I chickened out. Once, I was being sent to Chennai for Visa processing. Finally, this time, my stars aligned in the perfect position so that I could make a journey to Dasanapura in Bangalore and thus make a journey inside. These 10 days were different – almost indescribable.  The experience is very very subjective. It can be 100 different things to 100 different people. I was one of them too. And this is my story.

The rules -- Vipassana is a technique of meditation and it is taught in centres where a person has to take residence for 10 days in the meditation centre. You are not allowed to have a phone, bring books or any writing material. There is also no music and obviously no Television. You cannot get in touch with your family members and neither can they get hold of you unless of course there is an emergency. One also takes a vow of silence in the 10 days where you do not talk to other participants, do not look at them, smile at them and definitely do not touch them. Men and Women are completely separate as well. All you do is meditate, eat and sleep. It sounds pretty tyrant-y but it is not. The idea is to keep one away from all possible distractions and focus only on a single thing.

The packing – Although one can easily do laundry there, I preferred to take clothes that would last me for 10 days. They list a lot of things that you should be taking-- like a torch and an umbrella. It will be also helpful if you take Odomos, a comfortable pair of slippers, extra soap to wash hands and socks. The most important thing, however, would be a pain relief spray. I had a minor accident before going to the camp and so the husband packed a pain relief spray for me. I had hurt my lower back in the accident and he wanted me to have it in case the long hours of sitting brings back the pain. The lower back pain did not come back, but a lot of other pains did emerge.

The silence – I talk – a lot. In fact, when I told a friend, also an ex-roommate, that I was planning for a Vipassana camp, the first thing she told me was, “How do you plan to stay quiet? You even talk in your sleep!” Honestly and surprisingly, not talking was not an issue at all. For what it’s worth, it was actually good. Not talking to anyone around me was a relief. There were no unnecessary small talks, no obligatory smiles, no “Oh I forgot smiling at her, now what will she think”, nothing at all!! .  Like I said earlier, I longed to stay in a place where no one cares about me and I don’t have to care about anyone. It was a complete disassociation with the world and it was blissful. It was just me and my thoughts. I wish it was just me but my thoughts tag along with me everywhere I go and there is pretty much nothing I can do about it

The schedule – Following was the schedule:

4:00	Get Up
4:30-6	Meditate
6-6:30	Chanting from Goenka
6:30-8	Breakfast/bathing/resting
8:00-9:00	Group Sitting Meditation
9:00-11:00	Meditate in hall
11:00-1:00	Lunch/Rest
1:00-2:30	Meditate in hall
2:30-3:30	Group Sitting Meditation
3:30-5	Meditate in hall
5:00-6:00	Tea/Rest
6:00-7:00	Group Sitting Meditation
7:00-8:30	Teacher's discourse
8:30-9:00	Meditate in hall
9:00	Day over

The Experience --  For the first three days, all you do is annapanna technique of meditation, which means focusing on the moustache area to feel the breath and any other sensation that comes along with it. I never felt the same every day or even every moment. The first day was confusing. We were just getting to know the schedule. The second day was again pretty neutral. I was going with the flow – making sure that I am getting the schedule and instructions right. The trouble began on the third day. I was okay with not talking, but obviously, I was far far away from my comfort zone. I wanted to go back there. I wanted familiar faces around. I wanted to surf the internet, know what’s happening in the world. 

The fourth day was worse. It was actually the most painful day among all the 10 days. This is the day you are taught Vipassana. The first instruction was to try and not move. Then the voice of Goenka booms across the hall, asking you to scan the body from the top of the head to the tip of the toe and to look for sensations. As he walked us through each body part separately, the only sensation I felt was pain – pain and numbness. Whatever Goenka said was being translated in Kannada, hence increasing the duration of the session. That was hurting me more. By the time we were done with the whole session, the back of my neck, the centre of my back, my knees and my feet were throbbing in pain. I still had not thought of my pain relief spray until I smelt it on someone. That’s when I ran to my room (actually limped as fast as I could) to use it. Thankfully, the solution that I had was non-sticky and would evaporate fast. So, nothing would get transferred on my clothes. 

On the fifth day, I saw a carrier auto coming inside. I wanted to go up to the driver and ask him to wait while I pack my stuff and then he could drop me anywhere. "I don't want to be here.“This was a mistake" I thought while coming back from a 5 min pee break. “Why are we doing the body scanning? What are we going to get out of it?” That’s when I panicked. I took a deep breath and calmed down. “Let me hear today’s discourse and if I don’t find satisfactory answers, I am heading home,” I told myself. Interestingly, there were no definitive answers in the discourse. But from what was being spoken, I knew there was so much more to this technique. So I stayed. And I am glad.

The sixth day was pretty neutral. I was neither happy being there, nor was I agitated. Maybe it was the meditation. Maybe, the discourses, maybe logic or maybe everything together. Day seven was actually good. I felt calm, happy. I had a few story ideas. While meditating, I had a few ideas for problems I was facing in my life. It felt nice – like getting closure, like entering a clean room after cleaning years of mess. Rest of the days were a see-saw again. We were so close to the end and yet it was not over. Sometimes, I would get restless. At one point, I was so worried about work, that I started sweating. I had to calm myself down. “Everything is okay. “ I told myself. Finally, walking, running, falling, strolling, we reached day 10. The day when I had a much-focused mediation session.

Throughout the 10 days, the time of discourses was the best time. Goenka is more like those cute grandfathers who love telling stories. But I did find a lot of sense in the content of the discourses. Sometimes, there were things I did not agree with, like his view on sexuality or some other things, but I took them with a pinch of salt. There is no force to accept anything being said. You can choose and take only what you agree with. 

Calming the mind – People, books and text compare the mind to a drunk monkey bitten by a scorpion. What an apt description! My thoughts would jump from one topic to another. Another thought would usually wait in the queue before I would even finish the current at hand. At one point, I remember yelling at myself, ‘How much do you talk! Can you just be quiet for 2 minutes?” Ironically, this comes when I am quiet outwardly for days together and in the normal days when I can talk, I have never, ever in my 30 years scolded myself so severely. Even if I did reprimand myself for talking, it was because something I would say would land me in trouble. But never have I ever been worried about the volume of my chatter until now! But my efforts paid off – I did find 5 seconds of silence to begin with. Some days, it would last for a whole 2 minutes. Those were the good days. Only on the last day, I realised I was zoned out for a really really long time. The fun thing about zoning out is, if you know you are zoned out, you are not! The wild monkey was calm –only if for a small duration.

Expectations – As usual, I did not go to the camp expecting any miracle. I knew I am not in a position where I will see a divine light or have an out of body experience. The peace of mind for those tiny moments were enough miracles for me. In fact, most of the times, I would nor even feel the body sensations. But as Goenka puts it, “It’s all impermanent. Just observe that there is no sensation and move on. No craving, no aversion!” Thank God for equanimity!

The Food – In all the gazillion blogs that I read before going, there was no description of the food available in the Dasanapura centre. Before going there, I was a bit worried about it. Although I am not a picky eater, there are a few things that I just cannot eat. Biscuits, oats, cornflakes are a few of them. But here is the good news – the food was great. Alright, I did not like the breakfast, but the lunch was awesome! The breakfast was mostly poha, idli sambar, idli chutney, or oats and lunch was roti, dal, curry, red rice, white rice, ragi balls and buttermilk. Usually, the food was always given at a point when I was damn hungry. I never wasted the food although I made sure that I actually curb my diet because I have a slow metabolism and I was doing nothing active except sit and meditate. Oh and you are also supposed to wash your utensils.

The People – My roommate was a pretty girl who would hardly come back to the room. More often than not, she would be busy staring at nature or petting the dogs.  Fortunately, we found out we had a lot in common once we started speaking. In fact, the last day, the women were chatting like there was no yesterday and there will be no tomorrow. It was a little disheartening to see people lost in their mobile phones as soon as the noble silence was lifted up, but it was fun to see strangers becoming friends as well.

The TakeAway -- At least, as of now, I have been getting up every morning to meditate. Even if one does not take  the technique, take the discipline. I took Annapana. I took the beautiful teachings. I took the stillness. Unless you are very blocked with your own version of things, the 10-day retreat can teach you many things!

I can go on and on about so many things about this experience. But it would be most unfair to call it good or bad. Because it is not a holiday. It is not somewhere you go to take a break. We don't realise it, but just being with our minds all alone , with nothing to distract is damn scary. Sitting cross-legged with a straight back was and is painful. But like all other things, it becomes easier as the days go by. If you are planning to go there, you can read almost all the experiences everywhere, yet, what you will come out with is going to be totally your personal adventure. All I can say is one thing -- while you are there, do follow the rules. One takes out 10 days of one's life. 10 days is a long time to be away from family -- there is a lot of work (officially and otherwise) that one leaves to go there. It only makes sense to give a 100% or as Goenka says, "a fair trial" to the whole event.

Stories ...

I sit here writing and rambling about a movie while I should actually be making a job that creates a cartesian join in DataStage. My love for movies and good stories bring me here because it is very seldom that I come across a story that touches my heart. I know -- it is kind of ironical. I live for stories, don't I? Even when I am living a moment, I have words forming in my head for how will I narrate this story to someone who cares to listen. There are not many listeners in my life these days. When I was in school, I would be back home at sharp 1:30 PM. And every day, the one single statement that I would utter as soon as I entered was , "Mummy, pata hai aaj kya hua?" and then the rant would continue while I would wash my hands, change and sit down for lunch in that exact order.

Things are different now. The husband listens, but I feel him wandering when he loses interest. It is the same with friends. So, I try not to rant. Kapoor and Sons, however, was a story that I loved to see and hear and feel and live it with them. It was a story of 2 brothers and their family and I was in it with them. I was with the successful brother, wishing that one day I will see the same success. I was with the other brother, who was shadowed by his sibling. I felt him more. Somehow I feel the sadness of a failure more than I feel the happiness of success. I need to change this in me. I was with the parents too ..wondering how does it feel to live in a family with constantly bickering parents. Ok, I lie. I know how it is. The issues were different, but bickering is bickering. As kids, you don't want to choose sides.

I felt the sadness of the wife who fears she is being cheated on. I felt fear. I hope it never happens to me. But I don't know why I knew how it felt. It is a scary feeling, especially when you are in a relationship with someone you fear losing. Oh! Now I know why I could understand how she felt. Losing a loved one is scary, especially when he is your friend, your family, your whole life.

When the grandfather sends a video message to the sons ,folds his hands and requests them to come back home, my heart broke into a million pieces. There is nothing more difficult than seeing a perpetually happy person cry.

I was definitely with the goofy Tia -- I may not be as funny and I don't like to dance in shady discs (I don't like to dance in classy discs as well, so there is that!) But I have crushed hard on good looking guys. I have not kissed them for sure but my crushes were not Fawad Khan either. I have made inappropriate jokes, though!

There was never a moment in the movie which felt forced or useless. There was never a moment in the movie that lacked familiarity. Even the scene where Ratna Pathak Shah confronts Fawad Khan felt so true. There was a small moment in this scene. When the mother and son yell at each other, their dog "Kishu" sits on Fawad's bed and Fawad yells at the dog too, "Hat Kishu yahan se!" and I thought, Isn't it so natural? Don't we end up shouting at someone perfectly innocent, when in rage?  I wonder why do we like movies that mirror reality? Don't we go there to escape our realities? Isn't that the exact reason that I love Harry Potter? Because it transforms me to a world far away from the real one? But I guess when we see our lives playing out in front of us, it makes us want to realize that there are others who live like us ... who go through the same smiles and same tears. Maybe these "slice of life" movies tell us that we are not alone. Maybe, it is an understanding hug from a stranger saying, "I have been there and it will be fine"

Speaking of performances, everyone was fantastic. It was difficult to take eyes off Fawad Khan, but I did manage to check on others as well and they were brilliant. I thought the grandfather's hysterics were OTT and unnecessary. In a few scenes, I felt Siddharth Malhotra could have been better, especially the one where Alia Bhatt talks about her parents' loss. Alia Bhatt was pleasant and lovely and I loved her. I have loved her since Highway and seriously, what did people like Alia Bhatt and Deepika Padukone really do that made them fabulous actors?

Before Highway, Alia Bhatt was in Student of the year and she hardly did anything worth noticing in that movie. Before Cocktail, if I watched any Padukone movie, it was not because of her and honestly, I have physically cringed at a few dialogues in Love Aaj Kal. But then, what happened? She was mind-blowing in Cocktail and Alia Bhatt was beyond words in Highway. If it is a secret potion, I want it!!

Some say that a movie is not just a story. It is also the direction, the cinematography, the performances and so on. I agree. Or not. A movie is primarily a story but a story well told is a great movie. Kapoor and Sons in one of those great movies. And in  times like these, it is not a lesser feat.  

She Lived!

She dreamed.
She scooped a piece of sky
And placed it on her tongue
She walked through storms
And rammed into walls.
She bled her passion,
She shone, she dimmed,
She dared.

Highway

Mahabir had a change of heart. If he could, he would have gone back in time and undo what he did in a fit of rage. What he did not know was that he set her free the day he dragged her, gagged her mouth and shoved her in the back of his car. Her fiancé looked on, scared like a five-year-old. “I told you not to come out at this hour. I told you” he had screamed at her, almost blaming Veera for getting kidnapped. She had fluttered like a captured bird. she had growled through the gag, refused to eat, even tried to escape once. But Mahabir knew that in this part of the country, she could run for days and still find nothing. Finally, she came back to them, falling on her knees like a tired traitor.

37 days later, Veera was a different person. He had seen her sleeping peacefully on the rocks. He had seen her playing in water fountains from broken tube wells. He had seen her hang her head outside the truck's window and take in gulps of fresh air. It was hard to look at her and not catch her infectious dimpled smile. In captivity, she had found freedom. Who knew? Who knew the rich girl was a prisoner to her own people, in her own world. Mahabir had always hated the rich. The grapes were not sour. He knew the masks they wore. He knew they lived in palaces made of dried leaves, built on a veiled dishonesty. Veera blew the leaves of her family that night when she spoke of her uncle. He was not sure what triggered her memory, but he let her speak. Mahabir could hardly make out what she was trying to say between her heavy sobbing. “He would take me inside the bathroom,” She said, pausing only to wipe her tears violently. “I would shriek in pain. I hardly knew what was going on, I was … I was six”. He did not want to hear more. It felt like reading someone else’s private diary, like peeping in someone’s bedroom. But Veera went on. “shh ..shh, He would say, I am done. I am almost done. Don’t say anything to anyone, my little girl” She turned to him. “I told my mom. But all my mom said was Shh... Shh, Don’t say anything to anyone.”

She was silent for the rest of their journey that night. Mahabir knew better than ask her. But that one-sided conversation changed something between them. She no longer behaved like a captive, sometimes to his own exasperation. Did she take me for a friend, a confidante? She would dance with his men and ask him questions about his mother. He had shouted at her, even threatened her, warning her never to ask him questions about his past. He had lived the horrible days once. Living them once again, even if it was in his own head, would be nothing less than a torment. But the foolish girl only broke into a fit of giggles. “You are cute,” she said, pouting.

They had traveled half the country together and now he was tired. She was the daughter of a rich businessman and whatever led to her kidnapping was bygone. It only made sense to set her free. He would miss her, but what was he thinking? He could not even begin to imagine a life with her. What would she do? Be the wife of a criminal? Bear his children? It was difficult, but it was time to part. So he took her to Manali, bought her a few warm clothes and when it was time to say goodbye, he placed a phone in her hands.

“What does this mean?” She asked, confusion very clear on her face.
“Go”
“Go where Mahabir?”
“Go” He yelled.
“I am not going anywhere …listen to me Mahabir”

Why is it so difficult to see that she can have nothing to do with me.There was no point arguing and he was scared she would convince him to live out whatever fairy tale dream she had, of living on the mountains. He could not give that chance, to her and more so to himself. Mahavir gripped her hand and ran towards the two policemen he had seen while walking up. Before she could understand, he ran again, leaving her. “Mahabir” He heard her scream. But he did not dare to look back. “Yes, madam? Is there a problem?” He heard the cops say.

It was while standing at the ticket window at the bus stand that he knew she was almost as stubborn as him. She had probably followed him. “Listen to me Mahabir” she almost growled. “What is going to happen from now is not something you decide on your own. We are in this together.”

“Go and sit near the column” He whispered. She looked around, covered her head and walked away.

She had found him. She had come back running to him -- to her own kidnapper. I might have taken her away from her world, but she has made me human again. He did not know what is to happen in the future. Heck, he did not even know what will happen the next moment. But she had made him believe. Maybe he could have a life. Maybe he could be what his mother wanted him to be, unlike the beast he had become. Mahabir did not remember the last time he felt so happy. He turned towards her and smiled, maybe his brightest in years. “Yes,” He seemed to say. “We are in this together”

All Veera could do was lean her head back and cry – tears of happiness. To the world, she was kidnapped. In her heart, she was free.

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This was an idea that somebody gave in fleeting at the Writer's club -- To write down your favorite scene as a practice to 'show don't tell' concept. I wrote this because as usual I was in a dearth of original ideas. 

Consider this as a disclaimer -- "I DO NOT claim to call this my story just because I wrote it in my own words" 

Now that we have this out of our way, I really enjoyed writing a part of Highway like this. I picked this scene because A- I love Highway (although it bores you in parts, as a whole it is a great movie) and second I was totally in love with this scene because I fell in love with Randeep Hooda's smile and Alia Bhat's expressions that follows. So tell me if you enjoyed it.

Through Pages and Screens

My hook these days is Game of Thrones – the series. By hook, I obviously mean something that I am hooked on to. I would have certainly liked to watch all of it after I had read the books but what can I do if the author himself has not finished the writing. Why I started watching the series at the first place is an interesting story – for another time. Today I am here to wonder out loud about how different is a scene on the screen and on papers.

Game of Thrones is an epic. You need a genius of an artist to create several characters with a back story for almost all of them, new traditions, a new religion, and new languages. Basically, Martin decided to play God and create his own universe. Every page gulps you in. Every character, every story, every war – All you can do is turn the pages and get yourself engrossed into Martin’s creation. The television series is equally riveting. However, it is interesting when you experience a story simultaneously on print and screen. There are some obvious differences in both the mediums and none of them have me complaining. How many times do we see two versions of the same story and actually like it?

As I write this, I have finished watching season four. And as I watch each and every season and compare it with what I have already read, firstly I am quite pleased with myself because by and large I remember most of the story. And why is that something to be proud of? For the sheer size of the books -- they are huge, with every story in tiny details. So to remember at leat 80% of it is pretty cool! A Song of Ice and Fire series moves along through point of views of all its characters. Again, to my untrained reader eye, it is almost an impossible feat to take a zillion characters, give their point of views and have a whole story move forward. Nowhere does it feel broken or discontinued. But when the same people come alive on your screen, something changes – for good and for bad.

To begin with, you can take brilliant actors but they can never emote out all the emotions we read with such lovely details in the books. You also end up feeling closer to characters or even away from them. Take Robb Stark for example. In the books, we saw the complete story of Robb Stark through his mother’s eyes. In the show, however, he is there himself to live out his story. So although in the show we see how Catelyn worries for him, how she helps him, how she understand him and compares him to his father, we still get to experience a walking talking Robb Stark, unlike the books. I like this because in the books I never really felt connected with Robb and before I could start pondering over why he is not given his own voice in written words, his story is over.

Shae never comes across as a very strong character. In the books, I am not sure if she was even meant to be. On the screen, she holds her own in front of Tyrion. She fights with him, she disagrees with him, loves him fiercely and urges him to leave King’s landing with her. In the books, we only met Shae when Tyrion meets her. The book Shae never formed a specific personality. We know Tyrion really likes her, but she is not his strength. Margery Tyrell is a character I am still getting to know in my pages. But on my screen, I feel she is much tougher. While there are only whispers of the “friendship” between Loras Tyrell and Renly Baratheon in the book, their relationship glares at you through the show.

Cersei is way, way, way shrewd in the books. She is downright nasty. Although after his journey with Brienne, you kind of start liking Jaime, but Cersei is brutal. In fact, in the books, she is totally engulfed with the power game and has no time (or love) for Jaime after he comes back. And hang on, Brienne is in love with Jaime? In the books, I interpreted their relationship only as that of respect and honor. But in the show when Cersei asks Brienne if she loves him, she looks down quietly. I would have liked it if a few things were open to interpretation in the show as well.

Speaking of Brienne, as a small deviation, Podrick ( damn cute in the show, again almost un-noticeable in the books) is a “gift” to Brienne from Jaime while in the books, he stealthily follows her till she confronts and accepts him as her squire. Also, in the show, Podrick asks Brienne to be discreet about searching Sansa Stark while the opposite happens in the books. In the books, Brienne goes about asking everyone if they had seen a “fair maiden of auburn hair” not exactly specifying who is she searching for. If my memory serves me correctly, she says she is looking for her sister. Also, do Brienne and Arya meet in the books? I think no.

Daenerys's track is also not very different from the one in the pages. One difference was that as readers, we meet Barristan Selmy only when he comes out of disguise while as viewers, we already knew that Selmy had joined Daenerys. Her hands maids are Irri and Jhiqi. Missandei as far as I remember was a little girl. (Although I am totally in love with the gorgeous woman playing Missandei). Her dragons never get stolen and she is never betrayed by Dorreah. In fact, I am not completely sure if a Doreah lived between the pages of ASOIAF. I don’t remember Daenerys's incentive of going to the house of undying but she not only meets Drogo there but her other family members as well. That part was quite intriguing in the books. Also, there are no "thirteen" in Quarth in the books. (I liked that bit, though)

I loved Tyrion in the books. I am totally mad about him in the show. He is smart, witty, funny and the best character ever – whether he breathes inside the pages of a book or straddles through our television screens. I think Peter Dinklage is fantastic beyond words. Fans of the show will remember his speech after his trial and your heart just goes out to him. The last book I read in the ASOIAF series was A Feast of Crows and sadly, Tyrion does not appear in it. So I have no idea what happens to him after he flees King’s Landing (Although I have some idea through the spoilers). It is said that you can be brave only when you are scared and there is not a single person braver than Tyrion. I mean he deserves a whole post – he is that good. I can talk a lot about him and eventually I will. But for now, I will move on.

Speaking of bravery, Samwell Tarly is a lot smarter in the show. Whereas in the books you can read his thoughts and know how scared he is at every moment – be it at the wall or at the fist of the first men, Samwell on the show is far more confident. I like this change actually. I sometimes felt like holding the book-Sam and shake him and ask him to get a grip of himself.

Jon’s story is almost the same as that in the books. However when Sam meets Bran, Bran takes a promise from Sam that he shall not tell Jon that they had met. In the show, there is no such promise. Such are the tiny differences. Petyr Baelish introduces Sansa as Alayne Stone, his bastard child with black hair. In the show, she is his niece. Also, they blame a singer for Lady Lysa’s death. Sansa is quite timid in the books compared to that in the show. I am yet to read both the parts of A Dance of Dragon. So I don’t know what her fate is. Theon has not become Reek in the books yet (I mean not till A Feast of Crows at least) so I have to see how his track has been modified. A Feast OF Crows (AFOC) did not have Bran’s story at all so the last I knew of him was that he was stuck in the castle. He has moved on in the show and I am curious to know what words tell his story. AFOC also does not tell Jon’s story after he becomes the 998th Lord Commander of the Wall. On the other hand, I have read all about Arya’s journey to Braavos and Sam’s journey to the Citadel. I don’t know if this is in season 5 but I will know that soon!

No one (including Martin himself) knows when the next book is coming. We will see season six before that and I honestly think that it is not the worst thing in the world. Probably because the people handling the show are doing a great job. Also, because the actors are a treat. I will wait patiently for the Winds of Winter. Let Martin take his time. Maybe he is churning out his best work yet. In the meanwhile, I will satiate my curiosity with season six.And personally, I am yet to start A Dance of Dragons. So you may not hear me complain just yet!

Flawed

The last time I wrote about Shaandar, I spoke about the character played by newcomer Sannah Kapoor. She was a "fat" girl, who was mocked because of it and who had no plans of bringing her weight down. There is a lot of fat shaming in the movie and of course, there are characters in the movie who tell Sannah (whatever her on-screen name was) that it is okay to be fat. In one scene, her mother brings her a three-tiered plate full of chocolates and asks her to finish it. Now this girl, who is also a would-be bride, is totally comfortable being how she is. And maybe that's what made her so endearing. But there are a whole lot of girls who are fat shamed and not all of them are okay with it.

Being "beautiful" was a cruel but simple concept up until now.Put together fair, thin and sharp features and you have got a gorgeous girl! These days, however, I come across a lot of words like "body-positivity" and "being comfortable in one's own skin". It is a good movement. It is definitely a revolution and it will be a long time, a really really long time before people change their perception of what "beautiful" is. But before we start accepting a rather wider definition or an ambiguous explanation of what beauty is, I hope people stop being hypocritical about it. Here is why I say so.

Dum laga ke haisha was an unexpectedly sweet release this year. It spoke of a girl called Sandhya who is over-weight. But she is smart, funny, feisty and talented. She gets married to a guy who agrees to the alliance under family pressure but is not happy with it, obviously because his wife is "fat". Watch the movie if you still haven't. But here's the deal. The girl playing Sandhya, actress Bhumi Penderkar, is now thinner -- way thinner than what she was in the movie. This is after she came out of the role in her interviews declaring that she has always been okay with her body. But then why the sudden weight change? Because she has a three-film deal with Yashraj? Why couldn't she continue having a three-film deal with the body that she already had? I don't know the complete story here but what I can understand (and I may be wrong) is this -- she, like many others, have succumbed to the set beauty standards. And it is okay! Because being overweight has its own obvious demerit. But then why go harping about "being overweight is okay" and parallelly do the opposite of it? It sends out confusing signals and like it or not, people do look up to movie actors as their role models. So here is what I am saying --Please let's admit it first -- We are not accepting towards "fat" people. Of course, being fit is different. What many people don't understand is that there are body types and each body behaves differently. All we "see" or "appreciate" is lean, thin, six packs, hour-glass, and the works. And we really, really need to change this thinking. Because people are much more than the extra layer of fat on their bodies.

Ok, maybe let's spare the film industry. Those guys are paid to look good and they have tons of resources and money at their disposal to change their bodies. Coming a bit closer to real life, being fat or being dark-skinned in India is considered a sin. I have heard educated, elderly people talking this about girls, "It is going to be very difficult finding her a groom, She is not pretty." And it is kind of funny because not every second person you meet is an Aishwarya Rai or a Hugh Grant. Most of us, almost all of us are flawed in some way or the other. I have been very vocal about how unhappy I am about my dark circles (although I have started accepting them only now) Or how my nose is slightly twisted (the reason why I avoid smiling ear to ear in my pictures)

Of course, we all are suckers for beauty. It is only human. We get attracted to dishes that look pretty, Tourist destination with natural beauty is more popular than maybe a debris with major historical importance. But when it comes to living, breathing, thinking, talking, feeling human beings, I wish we could be a bit more sensitive and a bit more clear first. I started accepting the "flawed is beautiful" theory only after I admitted to myself that all these years, I have been adhering to a certain parameter of beauty and why not? We have been conditioned over years. Tun-tun was a funny caricature in older movies. Villains always have black skin and broken teeth. Heroes are always handsome and heroines always have big eyes and an hour glass figure. Forget movies, even in real life, we make character judgments only on the basis of how a person looks.

We need to look beyond. I need to look beyond and I am trying. Every time I see someone on the streets who is flawed in a very obvious way, immediately I have an opinion about them. But then I ask myself -- maybe they are far better writers or coders or maybe they can solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute. Maybe they are brilliant dancers or maybe they are fantastic orators. Who am I to say? Who am I to know or judge without really knowing them as a human being? And that's what's really required. Being good to fellow humans, irrespective of looks, weight, cast, creed, country, occupation -- isn't it?

Not Shaandar

On a weekly basis, I see a number of movies. If I write about each one of them here, this would become a movie blog. But yesterday, I saw Shaandar. And I had the words forming in my head before the interval. I knew this one needs a special mention.

There are two kinds of special in this world. Your favorite is your special -- your favorite dress with a story or a date with a fairly interesting memory is definitely special. But the opposite is true too. A day with bad memory is also ...you know ..."special." I have a similar story with this movie.I really wanted to watch Shandar. I love the cast and the trailer left me curious. But I had no idea I would be walking out of the cinema hall holding my ears in a sorry while the Husband glared at me. "We'd have rather watched Pyar ka Punchnama" a second time", he whined. I could only shrug.

To say Shandar is a bad movie would be unfair to "movies" because with all due respect to the people who invested almost a year in making it, it is not a movie. It is just a collection of  random scenes. No, really! There is hardly any story, there is no acting required and in all the scenes, it looks like people are actually laughing and having fun. In a way, it is good because you know they enjoyed making the movie, but nothing is fun for the audience here.

Surprisingly, only the role of Sannah Kapur has a few scenes that required acting and she has done her part pretty well. Besides that, there is nothing ... nothing in the movie that I could talk about with a satisfaction in my heart. The movie started with an animation story and the whole movie, in fact, has a fairy-tale feeling to it. That's all. I anyway don't look for a lot of logic in Hindi movies (I gave that up long back) but at least 2 scenes should connect together. Is even that too much to ask for?

There were a lot of things that could have been developed. Alia Bhat's character has this quirk of throwing random facts in between a conversation. I loved this character angle. However,she stops abruptly through the movie. It was not taken ahead. The two protagonists are insomniacs. I liked this part -- but I wish they would have used this information in a better way. There does not seem to be any connection, any romance in them. For a movie that has been given a fairy tale treatment, the story at least deserved to have a fairy tale moment between the Prince and Princess.

A lot of awareness trends these days, which is good --more power to social media! But like everything, the issue of body image confuses me. Yes, no one has to be apologetic about the way their bodies are, but why to promote an unhealthy lifestyle. Fine, the bride, Sannah Kapoor, is fat and she has no qualms about it. Nothing is better than being comfortable in your own skin. But she stuffs her mouth with chocolates and laddoos and is also encouraged by her family while she eats like a glutton. Why would you show it is okay to gulp down chocolates and laddoos? Please decide  guys. Being fat is okay. Being comfortable is perfect but being unhealthy is NOT fine. You don't want to die while harping about body issues, do you? (I have a lot to talk on this point -- another post coming soon!)

In one sequence, the groom gets arrested by the UK police and you later find out that Shahid Kapoor had tipped them into doing it. But what was the freaking point? He was still a jerk after he came out of it. In another sequence, Alia finds a panty instead of her breakfast. Okay, so Shahid found her skinny dipping the previous night and hence the prank (I am guessing) but again, what's the point? This does not culminate into anything that contributes to the story.

Alia sleeps for the first time while chit chatting with Shahid. Also, she is high. So why did she sleep? Because she was high or because she finds some magic with Shahid? I know it is supposed to be the latter but sorry it could have been treated way better. The insomniac who finally gets to sleep -- shouldn't this be an important part of the movie?

There is also a masoom angle to the movie -- which if you, like me, have grown up watching movies, you will predict it in the very first scene. The big reveal is shown in a sequence where everyone is high and acting like retards. Honestly, again it could have been better. The whole "everyone  is high and acting stupid" does not bring even a smile, leave alone laughing out loud over it.  The horse riding sequence has no point again and there is an unnecessary Karan Johar KWK scene too. Nah!! No growth in the story, no character arc, no entertainment.

Ok, listen, I feel bad criticising a piece of art and I know people would have really worked hard for this movie. But as a movie-goer and an ardent and sincere fan, I spend my hard earned money on movies. Hoping it to be decent is the least a viewer can ask for. I love Alia Bhatt and Shahid Kapoor equally. And honestly, I searched, really looked for something, something that I would like and enjoy. Something I can hold on to and say, "the movie was bad but at least ..." Sadly, I never got my "something" through the whole of Shaandar.

I would have rather watched Pyar ka Punchnama. Don't kill me for being a female and still liking it. It is entertaining and come on girls! loosen up a bit. All movies have guys as the culprits -- this one begs to differ. Let them enjoy the moment. At least you genuinely laugh at this one.

Goodbyes Are Not Fun

Sometimes, when sadness looms over the heart, it hurts physically. Friday was such a day. Every time I stood up, I felt I needed a support. Every time I moved, I wanted to  stop. Maybe defeat weighed down on me. Maybe it was the pain of seeing a dear friend leave --yet again. Maybe, it was both.

Two farewells in two days is a new experience for me. When you live life for a considerable amount of years, you tend to experience a lot of new feelings. You might end up denying them -- like the three of us were denying our sorrow. Yet, in a dingy basement park under the orange light of a setting sun, we were left with no other option but to face them. We still refused to acknowledge it --even when our eyes were filled with tears, even when our voices were losing pitch, we made sure that sorrow was not welcomed. Instead, we cracked boob jokes. We feigned relief that the friend was leaving -- at least we won't have to wait hours at lunch near the lift while she heats up her food. We made plans to meet soon.

We went back, pretending life is good -- it can be better.

Being Friends

When you turn 30, you tend to learn a few lessons in life, from life.One lesson I learnt was to make few friends but make them strong. Fortunately, I have them -- friends who have been with me since nursery, Or the third standard or the second year of college. These are people who know me, who I know and yet we are not 2 sides of the same coin. Distances in a relationship is a little-understood aspect. I am a great believer of distances -- Optimum distance of course.

Like every other group of friends, we also have a Whatsapp chat group and although I am not entirely sure how, there was a plan made -- to have a get together in a common city, which incidentally was not our hometown. So there we were, people who have probably not met in years, meeting now , accompanied with our respective spouses. We were in the same city and the same house some six years back -- all of us single, barely beginning our careers.

Things have changed -- all of us got married. One moved to switzerland and hence could not make it. We called him up at 1 in the morning to tease him about how he is missing the fun. We were up till 4 in the morning - chatting, laughing, playing cards, laughing some more, drinking tea, yawning, encouraging each other to sleep and take some rest (because we were all tired from the journey) and still not getting enough of each other.

All of us woke up at 7. It began with the owner of the house, sitting in his balcony, sipping his tea and enjoying the morning silence when I slowly stepped , probably breaking his reverie. Soon, our conversation picked up once again -- talking about nothing particular, whispering and giggling , trying our best to not wake the others up. We were joined by our third friend and soon we all had a marvellous cup of tea in our hands and we were at it again -- talking a mile a minute, about our lives, questioning each other about stuff we have missed from each other's lives, sharing experiences. opinions and thoughts.

It was time to get ready and meet the other two. So after a lot of shaking ourselves from the incomplete rest and laziness, we were there , meeting two of my bestest and strongest friends. These two are the ones who were in the same school as me. They have seen my ups and downs. We couldn't stop randomly hugging each other . I couldn't stop looking at those two and noticing all the difference that had come up after we all grew up. Both of them are mothers now -- they talk about their daughters with a lot of love in their eyes. I know better than to stop them.

The world has changed in the 20 years that we have known each other and none of us were spared from that. Social media was dominant in our conversation and before all of us got down to really talk, there was a lot of tagging and clicking pictures. Memories being made before they even get created. I had an objection to that. I expressed it and people obliged.When people meet after years, two things happen. Either, there is a lot to talk about or there is nothing to talk about. All of us were stuck somewhere in between. There was an awkwardness too, created by time and distance. A few of  us had given up on that awkward feeling , a few of us were still trying to bridge the gap. However, when I look at that evening, I only have good times to think about.

The same night we were joined by yet another friend who could not make it in the morning. We were back at home with playing card, dinner, tea, nonsense chit and everything in between. While the guys played cards, me and a friend's wife (now my friend too) played our own game of disturbing them. A whole lot of jokes and laughter ensued. Somewhere, I wanted to point out that this is how memories were made -- it did not require location tagging and innumerable selfies (although they are good too) It just required being together.

Earlier in the day, while walking by the road, a friend remarked, "According to a study, if you manage to be friends with a person for seven years, you will remain friends with them for life."
"Then we all crossed that bar ages ago" I said. My reply was met with bright smiles. Yes, it feels great to know that there are friends who have seen me then, who are with me now and hopefully, even after years, we will remain together. There may be a lot of things I might want to change in my life, but when it comes to these guys, I think I am good!

Will You Marry a Rape Survivor?

This question came up over a coffee chat among friends. A few days back, Bangalore witnessed a brutal gang rape of a BPO employee who took an unknown tempo traveler to commute locally. It is interesting to see how easily we sit in our cafeterias, sip on our coffee in paper cups and voice our opinions while someone is living the pain. What I mean to say is, it is very easy for us to say how easily that girl could have avoided what happened -- How she could have taken a cab or how she could have waited for an auto. I agree. But whatever she decided to do, nothing can justify what happened afterward.

Today, I sit here in the comfort of my office and question the society. The truth is, I am no stranger to a harassment situation. The irony is that while in Delhi, I never faced any situation that would scare me away. Going by today's standards, I was a fool in Delhi. Once I went to watch a 7:00 PM show all alone and took an Auto back home. Noida is a city full of narrow lonely lanes and the Auto driver took me through those. I was scared, but I was safe. 

On a random night, at around 8:30 PM, my roommate expressed her wish to have an ice cream. "Come," I said. The mall was at a distance of 5 minutes from our flat in a Cycle Rickshaw. She hesitated but jumped out of the bed. Two fools. When our other flatmate saw us leaving at such an ungodly hour, she asked us where are we going. "ATM", One of us blurted out. "Take cash from me, don't leave now" She had said. "We will be back before you know it." We called and ran out. We were lucky then too. We came back soon and safe, giggling and licking melting ice cream from our hands. 

In Bangalore, my chest has been ogled at, a biker slapped my chest and ran away, one actually came after me while shouting "Madam you look very sexy from back" reversed his bike to face me and say "You look sexy from the front too" and actually followed me in his vehicle while I ran in a heavily pouring rain. 

Both these days, I was lucky. I was still under my Delhi hangover and I "knew" that if nothing ever happened to me there, there is no chance in hell that I will be harmed in a safe city like Bangalore. These two incidents forced me to be afraid and careful. Recently, at 4:30 in the afternoon, I was inappropriately touched, given dirty looks and blown what I feel were air kisses (unless the guy had a pronounced pout) by the driver of a rick that I boarded. All this at a busy road of IndiraNagar. I know my lessons now. So I got down from that auto immediately. I should have shouted, I should have slapped him or as my husband says, I should have given him a taste of the pepper spray he makes sure I carry. But in that scary moment, I forgot about the pepper spray. All my instincts cried was that if I do not get down from this rickshaw, something bad might happen. 

I walked like a zombie on the streets for some time to get out of the shock of what just happened. I wanted a bath, I wanted to sanitize the parts of my arms where he had managed to touch me. I was afraid of going in another auto. Let me remind a second time -- it was 4:30 in the afternoon on a road that is known for being jammed. 

I am sorry, I digress. What happened with me was not even an iota of what any rape survivor faces. Back to the discussion over coffee, a friend said this -- "One mistake and she is scarred for life." This is where I could not agree with her. "Why is she scarred for life? Why must one incident define her future?" I asked her. "Because the society will not let her live." My friend replied.

I told her that she made the society, that I made the society. I know my thoughts were ambitious. I knew my friend was correct. I know even now that many might have a strange aversion to someone who has already gone through a horrifying incident. But can it not be just that -- an incident? Why does she have to be "scarred for life?"

While this discussion was on, my male friend was sitting quietly scrolling through his phone. I needed a male perspective. "Will you marry a rape survivor?" I asked him. He looked up from his phone and gave me a confused smile. Very slightly, he shook his head in a no. "My parents will not like it," He said. He is an educated guy. He is a really nice human being and I personally know he respects women. And he still thinks he will not be able to marry someone who has gone through a disturbing event. I was disappointed. 

"It's not about the parents. Marriage is about only the two people." I said. "No!" cried both my friends. "Marriage involves families" Alright! I said. "But if this girl is a great human being, she respects your parents, she loves and supports you, why can you not marry her?" My friend stuck to his answer. "My parents will not be able to accept it. It is difficult to change their thinking." I know their thinking would not change, I wanted to say. But is that what you think too? Will you stand up for this girl?  Or are you hiding your own thinking under the cloak of your parents' views? 

Why is it so difficult to look at these things with a little objectivity? Of course, I am not talking about marrying a rape survivor out of pity, no, of course not. But say tomorrow, your girlfriend confides in you and tells you she was raped, will you leave her? If you get an arranged marriage proposal and she tells you she was raped, will you still try and get to know her?

A lot of people, educated or otherwise, city dwellers or otherwise, think like my friend above. I cannot blame them. It's years and years of thinking in a certain way. But think about it. It is just an incident which was in no way the fault of the victim. Should we not help her/him forget about the incident rather than remind them. 

I cannot change how my friends think. I can just tell them that there is another way of thinking too. Through this post, I want to spread the word. 

The man who talks with his eyes

A few years back, I made a list of men whom I was quite impressed with. They were mostly a mix of Hollywood/ Indian actors. However, I never had a lot to say about them – hence that consolidated list. But then recently, I stumbled upon an MTV movie called “Shadi Vadi and all that”.  There were two things that came to mind when I was watching the promo of the movie before I would decide to watch the whole thing. One – It looked heavily inspired by Sophie Kinsella’s I have got your number (which it definitely was) and that’s Mishal Raheja!

One look at Mishal Raheja and I was back in Bhopal, to that exam break period  in 2007 when Left Right Left and Love Story would be on SAB Tv in the morning, back to back. At 9 in the morning, that was my only break before I would dive in those engineering books (That are of no use to me now … but well)

The promos of Love story began with “Teri Yaadein” – the song that would give me that tingly feeling in the stomach. I am not sure if I can ever explain what “that tingly feeling means” but I will try. It’s that lurching feeling when you are free falling -- when you are falling head over heels for someone or maybe something”. At 22, as a nerd who was totally in love with the idea of falling in love (and never having experienced it first hand) “Teri yaadein” had me smiling like an idiot every time it would come on TV. I still have that song in my playlist and it is still “my” song.  As much as I was falling in love with the song, I was falling in love with Akash /Mishal Raheja.  But then I was in final year of my engineering. I had exams to write and a company to join. Before I knew it, I was called by Satyam and Love story got lost somewhere between training, Sindhi Colony, and the new job life.

Eight years later, Mishal Raheja came back in my life with Shadi Vadi and all that. And thanks to youtube, I finished watching Love story. Back then, I was smitten by what I saw – Akash and Shruti in love, the smiles, the stares, the mush and sometimes the cheese.  Today, however, having done one small theater performance, having been exposed to a wider variety of movies and theater and some amazing international TV shows, I can appreciate him more as an actor.  Yes, I have so much to say about him that a full article is less. And today, because I am writing a rant article after such a long time, I am going to set myself free.

Now, honestly speaking, I hate the shows on Indian television. I used to watch them when I was at home but then as I grew up, the quality deteriorated.  I am not impressed with any Indian TV show in the latest times. I hardly think twice about any actor or any performance.  And here is the harsh one –I blatantly make fun of these shows when I am at home in Bhopal and I have nothing to do. They are, at least, fun lunch time conversations. And with this mindset when I watched Love story now, I look at Mishal Raheja and think, “Why is this actor on television?” “Why isn’t he in movies?” “Why isn’t he in the league of Ranbir Kapoor and Shah Rukh Khan?” He definitely deserves to be there.

With nepotism engulfing the film industry like a blanket of snow on mountains, I, as a very regular movie goer can do with some actors whose performance does not make me cringe.  Six packs and push ups on hands are great people, yay!!  But please be convincing enough as actors – but most of you are hardly that – I am looking at you Suraj Pancholi and even you Bhai!!

Mishal Raheja has everything – he has got the looks, the style, the physique and the talent! He should be collecting awards like they are pebbles on streets – he should have made a big debut in the Indian Film Industry. This man does what hardly a few actors can do – he emotes with his eyes. I am not an actor and I know about acting as much as these actors know about Datastage. But I can differentiate a blatantly good actor from a blatantly bad one.

If any one of you has had the patience of reading this article this far, then I urge you to watch these two videos. I wish this was just one video because technically it is one scene. Watch the first scene from 4:00 minutes or just watch it from the beginning – there is no harm.Here is the second scene. Keep looking at Mishal’s eyes. The expressions change from love to disappointment to anger at the betrayal, to terror and back to love. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but as much as I can understand, I understand perfectly what Akash is feeling. The last time I was this moved by such a performance on Indian television was in Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi bahu thi when Smriti Irani breaks down after she sees the husband’s death body.  Also, I chose just this scene from Love story because his expressions change quickly, obviously because the character is feeling a lot of things together. However, there are many many many such scenes.  

Anyway, while I was busy watching Shadi Vadi that night, Prabhjot pinged me for basic chit chat. When I told him I was busy falling in love all over again with Mishal Raheja, after a conversation of “who?” and “Arey don’t you remember the Love story guy in Final year” and “Uff you and your crushes”, he finally performed his best friend duties.  “He has a new show on, check it out,” he told me. “Google Ishq ka rang Safed”So I googled Ishq ka rang safed.  The dilemma came home to visit at that very moment. “I don’t do Indian Television anymore,” I told myself. “But it is Mishal Raheja. And it is a love story” said the same 22-year-old smitten girl in me.

So I watched the first episode. Now here is the thing – I seriously cannot do conniving villains and illogical story plots. But I am game for a love story, a sweet love story. A supremely good looking and talented actor can help me waddle through. Heck! I did it for The vampire diaries – didn’t I? There were conniving villains there too. The only difference was that the villains there were hot! Katherine! Klaus! Kai (hang on – Why are all their villains named from K?) Also, the villains in TVD have a purpose, unlike the Indian serials where the heavily made up aunties (or uncles for that matter) are villains just because they are bad people. However, I sailed through TVD because of Stelena – a love story that still has me sighing, even after its sad demise.  I can do it for Mishal Raheja too. So I did it.

I cannot sit through any scene that does not have Mishal in it. Even if I do, all I can think is --- “who does that, who talks like that – oh my God, this makes no sense, hello we live in the 21^st century” so on and so forth. At the risk of a longer rant, I want to elaborate a bit more here. Ishq ka rang safed is a story about widow remarriage.  Sounds cool, doesn't it? But somehow, it isn't it. To begin with, the characters are still from a mindset that think widows are untouchable. I, for one, cannot fathom this attitude. Acha chalo, I will accept that such a mindset exists. I cannot buy the fact that Dhani the protagonist is uneducated to the level that she does not know email and fax and the internet. Chalo, this also I will swallow somehow. But can a person not know what's a seat belt? I am not really complaining that Dhani did not know what  a seat belt is or how is it used because I got to see a really cute scene where Viplav helps her and as the scene moved on, I sat back and admired the subtle expressions of Mishal. I mean, you know he likes her and you know he cannot show it, but he cannot hide it too. This is subtle -- this happens only when you are either in love or you are a really good performer.

Even for scenes with Mishal in them, I am supremely critical. For example, most of the quarrel scenes between Dhani and Viplav are annoyingly repetitive.  The only saving grace is obviously Mishal. I am not sure how many episodes I have watched till now, but I have only loved a typically clichéd scene where Viplav and Dhani are stuck when their car breaks down.Now, only a hopeless romantic like me can enjoy such a scene and smile like a teenager in love. If you can,  do check out the video on Youtube. Notice again how he suppresses his smile  or how he wants to show that he is shocked that Dhani likes music, but he does not really shout it out -- subtle! Again, at the risk of sounding repetitive, I will say it – had it been another actor – well I would not have been watching this show if it was another actor so forget it.

I will stop now (almost!) I love it when I am crushing on someone. It gives me something to look forward to after a tiring day from work and travel. A few days back it was Luke and Lorelai (In fact, I think I have seen their first kiss almost a hundred times now and I feel that same tingle in the pit of my stomach Every.Single.Time. – He kept the horoscope for eight years!) And now it is Ishq ka rang safed (albeit selectively)

Parting words – I wanted people to realize that there are some really good actors out there. There are some who don’t get their due. Now I am sure Mishal Raheja is popular but I honestly he think he deserves more popularity – he deserves an SRK level popularity. My unknown blog cannot give him that, unfortunately. But I can still try!